She died on her wedding night...

True strory told by Shaykh “Abdul Mohsen al Ahmad”, it happened in Abha (the capital of Asir province in Saudi Arabia)

“After performing Salat Al Maghrib, she put her make-up, wore her beautiful white dress preparing herself for her wedding party, Then she heard the Adhan of ‘Ishaa and she realized that she broke her Wudu.

She told her mother : “mother, I have to go to make wudu and pray ‘Ishaa”

Her mother was shocked : “Are you crazy?!! Guests are waiting for you, to see you! what about your make -up? It will be all washed away by water!!” then she added:

” I am your mother and I order you not to perform salah now! wallahi if you make wudu now, I will be angry at you”
Her daughter replied :”wallahi I won’t go out from here till I perform my salah! Mother you must know that “There is no obedience to any creature in disobedience to the Creator.”!!

Her mother said:”what would our guests say about you when you’ll show up in your wedding party without make-up?! You won’t be beautiful in their eyes! and They will make fun of you!”

The daughter asked with a smile :”Are you worried because I won’t be beautiful in the eyes of creations? What about my Creator?! I am worried because, if I miss my salah, I won’t be beautiful in His eyes”

She started to make wudu, and all her make-up was washed away, but she didn’t care.

Then she began her salah and at the moment she bowed down to make sujud, she didn’t realize that it will be her last one!

Yes! She died while in sujud! What a great ending for a Muslimah who insisted on obeying her Lord! Many people who heard her story were so touched!!

She put Him and His obedience first in her priorities, so He granted her the best ending that any Muslim would have!
She wanted to be closer to Him, so He took her soul in the place where Muslim are the closest to Him! Subhana Allah!
She didn’t care if she would be beautiful in the eyes of creatures so she was beautiful in the eyes of Her Creator!

O Muslim sister, imagine if you are in her place! What will you do? What will you choose : pleasing creations or your Creator?

O dear sister! Do you guarantee that you will live for the next minutes? Hours? Months?!!
No one knows when their hour will come? Or when will they meet angels of death? So are you ready for that moment?
O non hijab sister! What do you choose : Pleasing yourself by not wearing Hijab or pleasing your Lord by wearing hijab?
Are you ready to meet Him without Hijab?


And what about you, sister who are “in relationship” or “open relationship”, are you ready to meet your Lord today? Tomorrow?! What do you choose pleasures of this Dunya or pleasures of akhirah?!
May Allah guide us all to what pleases Him and grant everyone who is reading these lines good ending, Ameen.

Source

RaNdOm thoughts

I have been busy with kids and tahfeez school for weeks so I have not been able to write in my blog. I am done with exams now and the kids started their summer break so I can steal a few minutes here and there to write. I wish the summer can be spent relaxing and having lots of fun and traveling to see our family members, but its not going to be that way. My kids go to the Government schools which uses the Arabic curriculum and arabic as a medium of teaching every subject. We are from an English speaking country so I have to homeschool my children in English language especially during the summer so that they can cope in a regular English speaking school if and when we return home. This would not have been an issue if we were certain we would be here as long as we want, but KSA does not usually grant citizenship to expats no matter how long  ere but their status is like that of any other person born anywhere else. They don't have any special privilege as a result of being born here. If may Allah forbid, we become jobless, we all have to leave. So, teaching them in English using the American curriculum becomes imperative so that we have a back up plan in case of the unexpected. It will be nice staying here forever but there is really no true Hijrah to KSA since You cant determine how long you remain there and everything at the end is in Allah's hands.

 What I wrote in my last post about a man remarrying soon after his wife passes away was in no way meant to criticize the man in question. I can't even imagine what he must be going through. He is all alone now and the kids are still in their country because he cant care for them properly on his own and he has to go to work so they will have to be left alone at home for many hours in a day which is not a good thing. 

  The only thing I personally felt even though it should not be any of my business is that it was a little too soon. But hey I cant even blame my late friends hb since it was her own mum that offered her sister to him in marriage. The mum might have reasoned he would end up marrying some woman one day sooner or later anyways so why not tell him to marry her daughter so that she would not lose him as a son-in-law  and risk her grandkids being maltreated by a total stranger that he is likely to marry. I guess the way women think is completely different from the way men think. Thankful slave mentioned that it usually happens the other way round as well. Yes. I have seen it before even in my own culture. In fact this is more common than the husband marrying his late wife's sister and it is seen as acceptable. But I notice a woman usually feels reluctant to remarry after her husband dies and if they do, it takes a longer time before they can really make themselves do it. The sister Thankful slave mentioned that married her B-I-L after her hb passed away most likely did not marry him the day after her iddah ended right? even though that would have been halal.One of our friends was not at all surprised when she heard our late friends hb was remarrying. She said she had a neighbour back home who married his late wife's sister a week after she passed away. Meanwhile a friend of mine whom I wrote about on this same blog who lost her husband january last year still puts me off each time I pray for her that she would be blessed by another husband who will help her to raise her young kids. She tells me she does not need a husband; she needs to give her all to her kids. Of course I think she may eventually change her mind one day and decide to remarry, but hmmmm...what I have concluded in my little mind is..................................................................

Men, no matter what they think or how macho they think they are and see themselves as being superior to woman, Despite the fact that  many do not respect women or even realize how important women are, are more in need of women than they will ever be able to accept and affirm, women also need men but men need women more than women need men. I have heard many women say they will not remarry if their husband dies before them whereas men are in fact fantasizing having another woman or other women even when their wife is beside them. I know most people will not agree with this but these are my RaNdOm thoughts for today.

 

Mixed feelings.

I heard some news today that I did not expect and had mixed feelings about it. I was talking to a sister today lets call her R, and she asked me if its true that one of my neighbours is a second wife to which I affirmed. She said she heard that the first wife was here with the husband and was sent back to their country when he married the second wife and wanted to bring her over to Saudi. I was aware of the story as the first wife was my friend when she was here. So the sister was kind of shocked and asking me how the first wife took it and  is she ok with being sent away, (not divorced) and being replaced by a much younger woman, etc. I told the sister that as far as I know, the first wife is ok with the second marriage because polygyny is common where she came from although she did not want to go back home at that time but she did not really have a choice as it was the husband's decision to have her go back home so he could bring the new wife over. He travels to their country during the summer to see her and he sends money to her regularly. Anyways, this led to me asking how polygyny is seen in the country R came from and she said it is not common as most men marry just 1 wife. So I asked what if the wife dies would the husband remarry? she said yes of course, but while she is alive, he remains married to her only and this is their culture. Coincidentally, R and My friend who passed away recently are from the same country, so I couldn't help asking what is the average duration of time a man who lost his wife is normally expected to wait before he remarries (in their culture) and I gave Tahera's husband as an example.Then I got the bombshell; He will remarry in a month to Tahera's sister. He already spoke to her mum and they are in agreement with the proposal. So why did I have mixed feelings? I was happy on one hand that at least he would have someone to take care of the kids and a companion for himself to help lessen the grief of the sudden loss of his wife. On the other hand, I could not help wondering if my hubby would be trying to marry my sister 2 months after I pass away. Not that I have a sister that is not married but if I had, would he want to do that as well? I don't mean its a bad thing to do because at least marrying the sister of your late wife would be better for the kids than marrying a total stranger who did not know their mum and who is likely to maltreat them except she has the fear of Allah in her. But hey, most people don't walk around thinking if they die their spouse will marry their sister (or brother if its the husband that died).
So there I have another reason to be reminded about the nothingness of the life of this world and to strive to put forward as many good deeds as possible for my akhira. And I write this as a reminder for all of us.
If you die today, someone is is going to live in your house, someone else is going to wear your cloths, someone else is going to drive your car, someone else is going to marry your husband or your wife and it goes on and on. I am not writing this to put blame on Tahera's husband, he probably took this decision in the best interest of his kids. If he does not remarry, he can't take care of the kids alone because he has to go to work, The only other option would be sending the kids back home to be raised by family members which would not be fair to the kids to not live with their dad after losing their mum. May Allah give him and is new wife to be the best and may Allah help them both in raising the kids and giving them their best. aamin.

Divorce For No Reason?

Marriage is sacred and its not something to play with. I know if any normal moderately reasonable person were asked if its okay to divorce a spouse without any reason at all, their first reaction would be of course not! But hey, I have been on a site before where a brother was trying to prove to everyone else that requiring a valid reason for a divorce applies only to women and that a man could divorce a good, pious, beautiful, obedient wife for no other reason than he just wants to do so, and there would be no sin on him, and his evidence was that a sahabah did the same. Well, I was somehow disturbed that a supposedly pious muslim brother could be peddling that view on a public forum and I tried to reason with him that even the prophet SAW did not divorce any of his wives and he told men in his farewell pilgrimage speech to fear Allah and be good to women etc, but he insisted that there is no evidence that a man needs a reason at all to divorce a wife no matter how good she is. I came across this fatwa from a reputable scholar and posted it on the site for him to see and more importantly so that other muslim men without knowledge would not be misled by his "view". I decided to share it here too because how much i hate divorce...

Divorce For No Reason?
Author: Al ‘Allaamah Shaikh Zayd ibn Muhammad al-Madkhalee (hafithahullah)

Translator: Abu Fouzaan Qaasim
❁❁❁
Q: Does the husband incur sin if he divorces his wife for no reason?
A: The reason behind him divorcing her must be looked into. If he has a valid
excuse for why he divorced her, then there is no problem (in him doing so).
However, if he mistreated her and divorced her for no reason whatsoever, she doesn't
have any (outstanding) flaws in her manners or physical makeup or any offense
transpired on her behalf, then there is no doubt that he sins. This is because he
treated her wrongly and perhaps she has no family hence becoming a victim of
poverty and destitution. So it is upon the men to fear Allaah.
The marital life of the believing men and women is connected (i.e. between them in
this worldly life and the next). The wife of a slave in this world will be his wife in
Paradise in the highest degree of beauty and perfection, superior to the hoorul- 'eeyn
due to her prayers, fasting and belief in Allaah.
So it is upon the Muslim to be very diligent (upon holding onto his wife) if Allaah
facilitates for him a woman from amongst the people of Tawheed, prayer and fasting.

__________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________2
And if certain things occur from her of crookedness or mistakes, then he corrects
them to the best of his ability. (And know!) that there isn't any person except that they
have faults and are prone to make mistakes. However sticking to and applying
patience is (from) the mannerisms of the Mu'mineen..... na'am.
Q: What about the statement of The Most High:




“But if you intend to replace a wife with another...” [4:20]?
A: Na'am, if he wants to, however, because of a reason. It isn't intended for the
man to change (i.e. divorce) his wife who he has taken care of and lived with for
sometime except because of a reason that forces him to divorce (her). (If this is the
case) then there is nothing wrong with letting her go.
❁❁

SECRET CODE; MY REASON

I made a post about not expecting any good from a husband to avoid/minimize being hurt. I know that some men would read that statement and think its BS, and maybe some women who are blessed with good husbands would wonder why anyone would even say this, but here is what led to that line of thought...

Madam A was happily married for 40 years.

The marriage was blessed with 6 kids, all grown and married.

Madam A's husband decided to marry young girl, the age of his last child.

Madam A was not happy about it because she did not expect it to happen at that time since they were both in their sixties and did not have any problems, but she is a Muslim and she knows its his right so she accepted it and life went on.

Madam A's husband and the second wife were living in another town not very far from madam A, but she still gets to see her husband every now and then.

One day (after 5 years) Madam A's husband shows up at madam A's house with his little kids he had with the second wife and announced to madam A that he had divorced the second wife and that she (madam A) would have to help him raise the kids.

Again, madam A was not happy to raise another woman's kids especially at that stage of her life when she just wanted to relax and enjoy her retirement, visiting her kids and grand-kids when she wants, but she accepted nonetheless, not wanting to disobey her husband.

And, guess what? I mean guess what?! Few weeks later, she found out that her husband did not divorce his second wife and that they were still living together in the same house as husband and wife, only without their little kids who were brought for her to raise under the guise of their mum being divorced. Now isn't that just so convenient? gotta love these husbands...

Well, madam A and her kids had had enough! they figured out their dad did that because it was his house, so he felt he had a right to leave his kids there and he can have a peaceful life with his second wife without being disturbed by the lil ones. So one of madam A's sons moved his mum into his house to live with him, so that their good dad could have his dear little house all to himself and he can move whoever he wants into it...

You are not my child

Hello blog world. Someone left me a comment suggesting that I should advice my dad about being fair since some men are known to have a soft spot for their daughters.
Such a great advice, but it reminded me of an incident that happened in my life when I was I think close to 11. My dad left my mum and my siblings when I was 10 to go and live in our hometown when he got a better job. My dad's second wife at that time was already living alone with her children in the family house in our hometown. So what happened was he more or less left us to be with her. He did not divorce my mum or anything. He even suggested she (we all) move together but my mum declined. Reason was, my mum was working and she uses some of her money for household expenses and she thought leaving her job (which was not a high income job) to go live in the family house with her co-wife and be at the mercy of my dad, who is known to be very stingy with his money would be unbearable. So we started living alone with my mum, and dad visits us like once a month or 2 months. Whenever he comes, he gives mum some money for food and money to pay our school fees.

Within a few months, he started visiting less frequently and things were a little hard because my mum was a junior worker and it was difficult for her to do everything with her meagre salary. We then moved from our 3 bedroom flat to a one bedroom flat because my mum ould no longer afford to pay rent for the bigger house. We could barely feed in the house and my mum sometimes needs to borrow some money from her friends to buy groceries and she pays back at the end of the month. When it got to a stage whereby we were sent away from school beause we could not pay school fees and she could not afford it, she decided it was time to go to my hometown to vivsit my dad and get the monthly money he gives for feeding and that of our school fees. Just before she left the house, I gave her a letter to give my dad and she took it from me without bothering about what was written in it because as she said later, she just assumed its a short note to say salaams and tell him we miss him and other whatnot because my dad and I had a great relationship and they all call me daddy's girl.

She returned after 2 days and we were able to go back to school and life went on as usual. Shortly after that, maybe 2 weeks later or so, my dad came to visit and I noticed he was cold towards me but I did not make anything of if. One day, before he returned to his base, my mum was snooping around in his bag and there she saw a letter written by me in which I talked about the difficulty we were going through in the house, how we could not even eat easily and how we had to be sent away from school for not paying school fees. Then I ended it with "you should not have married another wife" or something worded along that line. Then she saw something that broke her heart; below my letter was my dad's reply to me and it read: definitely mena, you are not my child, You are a bastard. He wrote some other things that I can't remember now but the first sentence has been in my memory since then. I know what I wrote in my letter questioning why he married a second wife was harsh. But what does one expect from an eleven year old girl who is going through difficulties along with her mum and siblings and who is totally helpless as there is nothing she can do about it?

So my mum took out the letter and called me to her presence. She said she would not have delivered the letter to my dad if she knew that was what I wrote in there. She was so scared and disturbed and she scared me too. There I had just been disowned for daring to question my dad's reason for marrying a second wife and making all our lives difficult. My mum later calmed down and went to a friend of hers for advice and that friend told her to destroy the letter and never mention it. I think my dad planned to give me the letter but when it mysteriously disappeared from his briefcase, he did not bother to mention it again and he left after some days...

In polygyny, at least one person would be miserable

I just got off the phone calling my parents and siblings at home to wish them eid mubarak because I could not do it yesterday. So I called my mum first and she was very happy to hear from me and she told me she had a really nice and memorable eid, maa sha Allah. At home with her is my sister, her(my mum's) first child along with her husband and their children, They drove for 3 hours from their town to be able to visit her and celebrate eid with her. She also told me that my uncle and his new wife (he was divorced) was with her. Then she had my other neices and nephew who also went to celebrate with her on eid day and returned to their house in the evening since they live in the same town. So, maa sha Allah, she had so many loved ones around her and I did not ask about my dad, because I did not want to throw her in a bad mood because each eid day that I call and he was not there to celebrate with her, because he was with his other wife, she sounds so sad and depressed and complains (a little too much) about his absence. I just assumed she was okay this eid because she had so many loved ones around her that she did not miss her husband, my dad.

After her, I called my sisters, my brother and some friends, then I called my dad, a number of times. He did not pick his phone. I waited for some minutes and called again but he did not pick. I normally call him every eid day to say eid mubarak and have him make du'a for me and my kids. Since he did not pick my calls, I decided to call his wife with whom he lives in another town, to ask of him. After greeting her and asking about my step brothers and sisters, I told her I had been calling my Dad's phone for some time and he did not anwer, that can she please give him the phone? She was like no, he is not with her, he is with my mom, and he had been there since yesterday. So she had eid alone with her children. I said okay, I did not know, I thought he was with her because when I called my mum she did not tell me he was around. We had a brief talk about her children and their schooling and I hung up, feeling really sorry for her. I mean, on eid day every one wants to celebrate with their loved ones, and most women would want to be with their husband and they would want the kids, the dad everyone to eat together, as a family, but there she was, alone with her kids. Her husband was with his first wife, in another town.

So, basically, its either my dad spends eid with her, and my mom will be miserable and calling all her children to complain about it, (which I find annoying sometimes, because I think she needs to stop acting like they just got married when they have been married for 44 years.) or she goes down to celebrate with my mum and leave his second wife and her children to have eid by themselves. So whichever way, someone has got to be alone.

I know not all polygynous situations are like this as some men make their wives live together in the same house ( and I personally DO NOT like this) so that they don't have to go from one house to another, but it is not feasible in my parent's situation beause my dad was working in one town and my mum in another, and when they used to be together in the family house in my hometown for a few days for eid, they used to spend half the time quarreling about one thing or the other. So my dad had his second wife and their children living with him and goes to visit my mum every other week. Maybe if they were in the same town, it would be a little easier, then he can spend half the day in one house and the remaining half at the other. My dad is retired now, but it would still be very difficult to be equal in how he spends time with his wives, because of the distance, which is like an hour and my dad is getting close to seventy.

So I ended up feeling sorry for his second wife today and maybe the next eid, it would be my mom's turn to be alone.

And oh, I eventually got my dad on the phone, and I told him I had called his second wife when he did not pick his phone as I did not know he was with my mom when I called her earlier. He was quick to tell me that he was there with my mom, and I could tell that he was hoping I would be impressed by that...

...of wishes and horses and beggars...

81 ways on how to treat your wife in Islam!

The wife’s rights (with regard to their husbands) are equal to the (husband’s) rights with regard to them, although men are a degree above them; and Allah is Almighty, Wise. [Quran 2:28]

“Consort with them graciously. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed much good. (4:20)“

In today’s life of hustle and bustle, the family unit is becoming fragile by the day. Divorces are on the rise, and Muslims can no longer claim, as justifiably as before, that divorce is rare among Muslims or even much less than incidents of divorce among non-Muslims.

Let’s take on the men, here’s how you can keep up your wife’s love:

1. Make her feel secure, don’t threaten her with divorce.
2. Give sincere Salaams.
3. Treat her gently, like a fragile vessel.
4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere.
5. Be generous with her.
6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart.
7. Avoid anger, be in Wudhu at all times.
8. Look good and smell great for your wife.
9. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken.
10. Be a good listener.
11. Yes for flattery. No for arguing.
12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, names she loves to hear.
13. A pleasant surprise.
14. Preserve and guard the tongue.
15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings.
16. Give sincere compliments.
17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family.
18. Speak of the topic of her interest.
19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is.
20. Give each other gifts.
21. Get rid of routine, surprise her.
22. Have a good opinion of each other.
23. Have good manners, overlook small things, don’t nitpick.
24. Add a drop of patience, increase during pregnancy, menses.
25. Expect and respect her jealously.
26. If you have more than one wife, be just and equal
27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers.
28. Help at home, with housework.
29. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her.
30. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you.
31. Remember your wife in Du’a.
32. Leave the past for Allah, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
33. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.
34. Take Shaitan as your enemy, not your wife.
35. Put food in your wife’s mouth.
36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect.
37. Show her your smile.
38. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they be come big.
39. Avoid being harsh-hearted.
40. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking.
41. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills.
42. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within Halaal boundaries.
43. Help her take care of the children.
44. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments.
45. Sit down and eat meals together.
46. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice.
47. Don’t leave home in anger.
48. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home.
49. Encourage each other in worship.
50. Respect and fulfill her rights upon you.
51. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times.
52. Kiss your wife, foreplay, don’t jump on her like a bull.
53. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside.
54. Show care for her health and well-being.
55. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself.
56. Share your happiness and sadness with her.
57. Have mercy for her weaknesses.
58. Be a firm support for her to lean on.
59. Accept her as is, she is a package deal.
60. Have a good intention for her.
61. Cook a dish for her.
62. Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the two of you to pray at night whenever you can.
63. Women love flowers. Make a trail of them on the floor leading to the gift you made for her.
64. Give her a nice massage when she least expects it.
65. Send your wife a text message out of the blue with a message of love.
66. Send your wife an email without a reason.
67. Go out on a date or a get-away for the weekend in a nice location, preferably without kids.
68. Do something for your wife’s family, whether it is a gift, or a chat with her teen brother who needs mentoring, or whatever. It will get you lots of brownie points.
69. Do not keep reminding and demanding your rights all the time.
70. Shop groceries for her and call her from the store and ask her what she needs for the home, for herself or for her to give to people as gifts.
71. Ask her if she would like to invite her female friends over for ladies only get together and arrange for the dinner.
72. Ask her to send gifts to her parents and siblings.
73. Help her parents pay off debt. Send her poor relatives some money.
74. Write love notes or poems and place them in the book she’s been reading.
75. If she tells you something she had just learned from the Qur’an or Hadith, do not dismiss her or ridicule her effort, instead listen to her and take her word.
76. Plant her a kitchen garden with all kind of herbs she needs for cooking.
78. Update her PC or laptop with a new one or get her a new mobile phone.
79. Learn to do a special massage technique and surprise her with your new expertise.
80. Teach your children to respect and honor their mother.
81. Be humorous with her when she makes a mistake in the kitchen (like when she put too much salt or burnt her baking).

"OH ALLAH , Make useful for me what You taught me and teach me knowledge that will be useful to me" amen

by Fawad J Kiyani

Ok, I saw this nice write up and it made me laugh because most muslim men would not even bother to do half of the things on this list. I wish I can say this is how most muslim men treat their wives, but then, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride...

When divorce becomes obligatory...

My family went to visit a family friend of ours in another town 2 hours away few days ago. While there, the men had to drive to Jeddah, a 1 hr drive to get some things done and we were alone at home with the children. We cooked together and had a nice time. They returned after 3 hours and as soon as they got in the house, our host sent the maid to tell his wife that she needs to serve his food right away that he was very hungry. Wife said, "ok, just a minute", she just finished feeding her new baby and went to lay her on the bed, then as she was going to the kitchen, the maid came back and said he said if she did not bring the food quick enough, he would go and get a second wife to serve him, lol. Of course he was joking, but the sister did not find it funny. She sat down and told the maid to go tell him to go and get the second wife and after she (second wife) is done serving him, she should come and serve her too as she was also hungry. The maid, a 17 year old girl from same the same country as this amazing couple, went back to the man (from behind the closed door as the maid is always segregated from him or his male friends) and delivered the message. Then she came back to where we were sitting to tell her he said, "what? he would be getting a saudi as a second wife and saudis dont serve non-saudis." she said she does not care, if she is saudi or not and as the maid was going to tell him again, i stopped her and said enough of this back and forth joke. She said oh, its ok, she is used to him joking about it all the time, its just that she was not in a good mood on that day as she was exhausted (she has a 2 week old baby) otherwise she would just laugh it off and life goes on. she got up to serve them the food sayng if not for the fact that he has a guest, she would have left the food unserved for 1 hour to teach him a lesson. She does not mind the second wife jokes as long as it is not joked about when she is not in the mood for jokes. I was just sitting and laughing. I know many sisters would not even be able to accommodate the jokes at all. I mean why joke about something you are not ready for? The men had their dinner and we enjoyed the rest of the visit maa sha Allah.

Few days after we got back to our house, I told my hb that his wife's friend did not like the fact that he was joking about second wife when we were there, even though she said she usually doesn't care when he jokes about it at other times. I added it seems she just doesn't want him doing it around people. My hb said he agreed, that he also felt uncomfortable about the whole thing and he advised him against it as it was obvious the sister was upset looking at the way she was sending the maid back to give him a response. He said he he told the brother its not a good idea to tease women like that, even though she knows her hb may marry again one day, always joking about it, may provoke her to do some things she would regret later. my hb said the brother said he (my hb) was right. That there was a sad case of a young muslim couple, in our country who are known to be pious and happily married. One day, the brother joked about him marrying a second wife and the wife could not stomach it and she poisoned his food. This brother died over joking about something he does not even have any plan of doing? I was just speechless. A practicing muslim sister poisoned her husband for saying he wanted to remarry? What happened to asking for divorce? can't she just leave when she started having the evil thoughts of killing him? this was somebody's baby for crying out loud. How is she going to explain it to his parents? his friends, their kids if they have any? And finally how is she going to face Allah? she murdered an innocent man who she vowed to love and care for. I know she did it in a moment of rage and must be filled with regret and remorse after the act, but what will be the use after the poor brother is dead and buried? And to make the matter worse, he was just joking. The brothers who were close to him swore he was not planning anything of such. They were sure he was not planning to propose to anyone. Even though I believe its wrong for a man to torture his wife with jokes about him wanting to remarry for its better for them to go ahead and marry again than trying to make their wives jealous unnecessarily, but then, the sister took the matter waaaaaay too far. In my opinion, she should have just asked to be divorced if she knew she could not handle her husband marrying again. I believe in situations like this when a woman starts having whispers from the cursed shaytan about murder, she needs to ask for divorce as soon as possible. she should even tell her husband that this is why she needs the divorce, and if he knows what is good for him, he would not say no.
I pray Allah forgives the brother and give him jannah and may Allah forgive and guide the sister, aamin.

Nine years!

I am happy to note that I have been married for 9 good years today. Alhamdulilah.

So if I may make a list...

In nine years, I;

Got married

Moved to Saudi Arabia

Had 4 kids

Gained 20kg and 'helped' hb to gain 10

Made many new friends and parted with many

Became a homeschooling mum

Memorized 4 juz

Learnt to speak some Arabic

Performed hajj and umrah

Brought my dad and kid brother for umrah

Changed house 4 times

Bought a Singer sowing machine and started learning how to sow

So these are the things I can remember for now/ or thing I can mention. Some others I find inappropriate to mention.
Pls remember to say maa sha Allah.

Bitter sweet

I wrote about my christian friend few days ago. I have some good news; she was blessed with a healthy baby boy. I am very happy for her, but at the same time, I couldn't help feeling deeply sorry about the whole situation. When she had her third baby 2 years ago, her hubby had to take a week off work so he could travel home to see her and welcome his new baby into the world. Now, she had another baby without him, in her mother's house. I know she is happy and relieved that she at least had a safe delivery, but every thing around her is sure to remind her about her husband. The fact that barely a month ago, he was still with her and now she is all by herself with 4 little kids is such a huge test that I pray she would be able to pass. I also pray Allah protects us from being tested with same.

Really, her situation is a reminder to me and the other sisters around here about the worthlessness of the life of this world. We sometimes sit and chat about polygyny and the possibilities of our husbands marrying other wives, and of course we all hope and pray it never happens to us. I mean in our very narrow minds, it was like the ultimate test of faith. Some of us are so scared of being in polygyny that the moment it is mentioned, our heart beat faster and we get all worked up. But when my friend's husband died when she least expected it, and it even happened right in her before, and her entire life, hopes and dreams were dashed within minutes, I started to have a rethink. Though she was not a muslim so she never factored the possibility of polygyny in her marriage, I believe if she could chose between being in polygyny and suddenly becoming a widow, she would prefer the latter situation.

I have never being in a poly marriage but have heard and read from sisters who have been, that it is indeed the most difficult thing to deal with. A close friend told me it was the worst type pf pain ever. I pray Allah does not test me with the loss of my husband because I'm sure as much as I don't wish to be in a poly marriage, I believe the pain and misery a first wife would experience when her husband remarries would be a peice of cake when compared to what my christian friend, Christiana has been through in the last 30 days.

I pray Allah comfort her and guide her to Islam.

Eating his cake and having her's? hmm...

I want to share this article written by a brother. Enjoy!

Bismillaah Ar-Rahmanir-Raheem

My desire for polygyny, bi'idhnillaah.

I ask that Allaah azza wa jall allow my Sisters in this beautiful deen of Islam to read this with open minds and hearts, while seeking the pleasure of Him, subhannahu wa ta ilaah. Ameen.

Firstly, we all know that our guides, Al Quraan was-Sunnah have provided the Muslims with ample opportunities to show Allaah subhannahu wata ilallah devotion and obedience. For me, aside from many other virtuous acts of ibaadah, I have also chosen polygyny, which is beloved act mentioned by Allaah azza wa jall and practiced by our beloved Prophet sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam; the one whom we as Muslims try insha-Allaah so diligently to mold and shape our lives after. May Allaah azza wa jall have mercy on him, his family, and companions..Ameen! I don’t intent to badger or lecture anyone regarding polygyny, but insha-Allaah my intent to help Sisters to understand the reasons why GOOD Muslim men with GOOD intentions choose polygyny, Maasha-Allaah Tabarakallah. Of course you will always have knuckle-heads who abuse this right, but please understand that there are Muslim men out here, like me Maasha-Allaah, who only intends to utilize polygyny for reasons it was intended Insha-Allaah.

Firstly, as previously mentioned, if you study the tafsir of Quraan (via the true scholars of tafsir), one would understand that when Allaah azza wa jall says, “marry two, three, or four…” in Suratal Nisa, He, azza wa jall, is giving instruction to the Muslims, not a suggestion. Allaah azza wa jall says in the same surah, “IF you find you cannot be just,……” This word “IF” signifies exception. The scholars of tafsir, past and present, understand this issues; and it is the scholars whom we should understand and learn our religion. If we understand polygyny as being what is instructed or what’s highly preferred by Allaah azza wa jall, then why do we make efforts to not attach ourselves to it??? This is the first reason why I personally desire to polygyny..because this is the understanding of those who truly understand the Quraan and Sunnah…and Allaah knows best!!

Secondly, Islam emphasizes the importance of being of support to our Sisters during their times of struggle, hardship, lack of companionship, maintenance, or security. It also emphasizes taking care of fatherless children. Today, the increase in the number of sisters who are left to raise children is atrotious. Why and how, if I have the means and am willing to maintain, protect, support, love, and guide this sister and her children, be wrong?? I thought we, the Muslims, are a people of community and high spiritual standards?? Remember, our standards are not of those who associate partners with Allaah, but that our those who truly seek Allaah’s pleasure. This is my second reason..to be there when my Sisters in Islam need support, insha-Allaah.

Thirdly, my desire for polygyny is to increase the Muslim ummah as well as my lineage insha-Allaah. Due to health and other reasons, many sisters cannot have children., Allaah musta’aan! Typically, most married couples don’t discover the issue of not being able to have children until after they are married. Knowing this, how then will a man be able to have children of his own, to increase his lineage unless he is able to practice “lawful” polygyny.

Fourth, I know many may cringe when they read this, but polygyny for many Muslim men provide a halaal channel for increased sexual energy, which will keep them away from sin. Because some women are unable and even unwilling to "keep up" or maintain a mans "drives", some men become impatient, as Allaah azza wa jall mentions in Quraan, "men become impatitient when it comes to their sexual drives". Many women are faced with medical issues that prevent them from routinely satisfying that drive in their husbands. This issue of protection is just as important in many regards as the other reasons for marriage including comfort, security, solace and companionship. “I have not left behind me any fitnah (temptation) more harmful to men than women.” (Bukhaari, 5096; Muslim, 2740). Zinaa, as we all know, in Islam is considered a major sin. If our brothers mention polygyny as being a desire/need, we should understand that for him, he feels the need to remain obedient to his Lord and not fall into the haraam.The purpose of polygyny is not the satisfaction of the animal lusts or going from one woman to another, but it is a necessary solution to keep one safe from grave sin….Allaah musta’aan! Ameen!

There are many reasons why a person with good character chooses polygyny: extended family, increase in faith, companionship, security, pleasure, charity, increase in wisdom and self-worth, increase in quality of life when a wife cannot complete the needs of her husband. Whatever the personal reason,polygyny is about getting families together, enjoining what is good and permissible, and forbidding what is haraam. Most of the time, it is not an issue of over-loading and women serving men, but it is an issue of love and sharing; community. Whether each individual’s choice pleases Allaah or not in both cases (monogamy or polygamy), it is question of people’s true intentions and desire to make things work in total honesty and faith. Successful polygyny depends on the efforts, patience and degree of faith of each party involved. It is not in the etiquettes of a Muslim to criticize either a man who desires it or a woman who accepts it, for it is their choice, given by Allaah azza wa jall. Although, most sisters do not declare out loud that, "Polygyny is haraam", the actions and opinions of many support this statement. When my sisters in Islam demand that the marriage contract include an 'escape clause' if the man seeks polygyny, they are essentially stating that polygyny is haraam or even dirty in some sense.... or minimally that that person is unwilling to uphold that sunnah or to give her husband his rights granted by Allaah azza wa jall, which is still extremely undesireable. May Allaah azza wa jall protect us all. Ameen. The same can be said of many of our Sisters who make it impossible, through personal and financial demands, for a husband to marry another (a right Allaah gave all righteous believing men). Yes, these sisters are not prohibiting polygyny for all, just for their husbands. Instead of helping a sister in need, perhaps they are pushing the Sister or her husband to sin. In all cases of seeking to attach ourselves to the sunnah via halaal means, to prohibit that halaal action is a disgraceful in the sight of Allaah azza wa jall….and Allaah knows best.

Again, I hope this clarifies some issues regarding a man’s perspective….a good Muslim man with good intentions (Maasha-Allaah), insha-Allaah. Please keep in my Sisters…not all Muslim men mistreat their wives. Not all Muslim men are unjust to their mates. Not all Muslim men abandon their women or leave them penny-less. Not all men abuse or badger their wives. Not all Muslim women demand their rights OVER giving rights to their wives. Believe it or not, there are Muslim men who have good intentions, who love what Allaah loves and hate what Allaah hates, Maasha-Allaah. There are Muslim men out here who sincerely want to care for another sisters children..to give them love, support, comfort, discipline, and to be an example to them. There are Muslim men out here who identifies the needs of struggling sisters and sincerely wants to be there for them. There are some Muslim men who prefer to give all ofthemselves before they give to themselves. There are Muslim men out here who want to see our Sisters happy. There are Muslim men out here who wants to provide avenues for a Sister to learn and cultivate her deen. There are Muslim men out here who would never put his hands on his woman. There are Muslim men out here who desires to firmly attach themselves to the Sunnah…and want to support a sister in her efforts to do the same. There are Muslim men out here who want to provide a place of rest and solice for their wives, bi’idhnillaah. May Allaah have mercy on us all. Ameen!

Sisters…I ask you sincerely, bi’idhnillaah to not throw the towel in on our good Muslim brothers. I ask you to support them in their desire to stay away from the haraam. I humbly ask you to want for your sister what you desire and want for yourself, insha-Allaah. I ask you to imagine yourself in another womans shoes… a woman who not only desires to have a good Mulsim man by her side, but NEEDS the support of a good Muslim man. I ask you to sincerely, in the depths of your ability, to ask Allaah azza wa jall to guide you and to give you the patience needed to overcome your fear and your nafs regarding polygyny, insha-Allaah. Lastly, I ask you to make duah for all those who are challenged with polygyny or may be faced with the potential of polygyny…. and to be a sound ear and advisor to them, inshaAllaah. It could be your kind and supportive words and gestures that may help them to get over that hump, insha-Allaah. I ask Allaah to guide us all to the haqq, to make us stronger Muslims and sincere firm acceptors and followers of the Sunnah. Ameen!

Your Brother in islam!!

i

oh oh!

Ok, I've been away from this blog for months. I guess I'm about the only blogger who reads other people's blog but does not even have time to write in hers. I've been a tad too busy with schooling and taking care of my family. A lot have happened since the last time I posted here.

The most touching of which is the sad news I heard about a friend who used to live in my old neighbourhood. She was a quiet, beautiful sister , a mum of 3 cute girls and a very good wife and mum, maa sha Allah. 2 years ago, she moved to another country with her family and we sort of lost contact. So recently, I heard she is sick and is now home in our country, without her kids. The nature of her sickness is very disturbing; a mental illness! Now why would a beautiful healthy woman suddenly develop such? Her hubby got another wife! yes, you read that right. As I heard, she started getting into a state of depression when she was informed about the incoming wife, I don't know what her reaction was when she heard it at first, but for whatever reason, her hubby stopped eating her food(and I know that this man is a good husband so its not like he just stopped eating what she cooked there must be a reason Allahu aalim), and naturally this added to her depression. So one day, she took her kids to the beach (ok so who allows a depressed woman to go to a beach alone with her kids ?) and tried to drown herself and the kids!. Laa hawla walaa kuwwata illa billah. Alhamdulillah there were people around who rushed to rescue them, so, she and her kids are still very much alive, but, this suicide/murder attempt was the reason her hubby sent her back home to her parents to go and take care of herself and come back when she is sane!. Ok, so I cried so much when I heard that the sister who told me wished she did not mention it to me at all. I wept even more when I got off the phone and the rest of my day was messed up. I remembered again when it was time to sleep and could not help crying myself to sleep.

I know that anyone who hears or reads this story would either blame the sister for being sooo weak in her eeman that she could not accept some halal act that her husband did, blah blah, OR, blame the husband for being so wicked and heartless as to hurt his wife, the mother of his kids so badly to the point of being demented, blah blah. So my reaction was sort of both. I was so sad and traumatized that I started to wonder about the meaning of the sentence "Allah does not test us with more than we can bear". I've heard people say if Allah is giving us a test, that means we can bear it, but how do we explain situations like this? how do we explain the very sad case of mira morton a practicing muslimah who killed her husband when he married a second wife. I mean how do we explain the situaion of sisters who stopped covering or those who even stopped praying when they were tested with polygyny in their marriage. Really, I'm confused. Is it that these sisters had the ability to be patient with what Allah gave them, but were just too weak in their eeman that they would not even try? I really don't know, but again I pray as I always do that Allah, the exalted Lord does not test me with that which I cannot bear, aamin.

My mum's phobia for polygyny

I called my mum a call the day after eid because I was too busy to call her on eid day. After the usual exchange of pleasantries and asking about other members of the family and her telling me how the eid celebration went on their end, she told me there is a problem she needs to discuss with me urgently, because she is really disturbed. I was scared by this line of opening and braced myself up to receive the sad news. Well, she said its all about a brother he knows, who she heard had taken a second wife just few years after marrying the first. (edit; it so happened that my mum misinformed and the brother did not remarry! at least not yet.)

Apart from feeling sorry for the first wife, my dear mum had another thing to worry about; she said as the brother and my hb are very close friends, she is afraid he would take his lead and soon get interested in marrying another wife as well. Now if my mum is scared of anything happening to her daughters, it is the very thought of any of us being married upon by our husbands. I mean shes scared to death of this that at times I hope it does not ever happen to any of us when she is alive, just for her sake. My mum's paranoia is not just out of the sky, its because my Dad married another wife thirteen years after their own marriage to be able to get himself a son as my mum had six girls. But Allah, the gracious lord blessed her with a son two years after the second wife had a son, but then, it was too late and she became a permanent picture in her life and marriage and my parents relationship has been rocky since then, even though the second marriage has been on for almost thirty years. They never divorced, but they don't live together either and my dad lives with his second wife and their six children in another town, so that means my mum is pretty much alone even as I type this, because my father visits her like once or twice every month. My mum is in her early sixties, so its not so bad that she is all by herself in the house most of the time except when my sister and her family visits, or when my undergraduate kid brother is not in school. But I cringe when I think of when she gets older and needs someone to talk to, someone to share her thoughts and feelings with, or just someone to sit with and enjoy a nice meal...