Still losing on the fast 5 diet

Its been another month on the fast 5 diet and I managed to lose another 6 pounds. I started on the 24th of january @ 193.5lb. I now weigh 181.2lb, maa sha Allah. This makes a total of 12lb in 2 months; not a lot, but I intend to stick to it until I reach my goal weight one day insha Allah. I was off the diet for some days during the month when I was down with tonsilitis and had to take antibiotics for 7 days. I have not been having my daily walks for some time as well because of the wind and sandstorm we've had here for some time. So, I think I would have lost a little more if not for these constraints. I hope to reach my goal weight of 150lb by the month of Ramadaan insha Allah. 

My kids are on their mid semester break and we had some guests from another town visiting for 5 days. It was so much fun to have an adult female  company in the same house for 5 days. We cooked and cleaned together and went places together. When it was time for bthem to leave, they were so reluctant to pack and we also wished they could stay around for a few more days. We were all thankful for the opportunity and look forward to having more of it insha Allah.

I am generally taking life easy and not putting pressure on myself, my hb or the kids about anything dunya as much as possible. No more dwelling on what  I need or want or what I dont have or wish others to do for/to me or not. I thought I was traumatised enough about Tahera's death until my friend who came here for a visit told me about a sister I know back home, a married mother of 2 who was run down by a car and ended up with spinal chord injury. She is now confined to a wheelchair and lost the ability to control her bladder and bowels. She cannot feel anything from the armpit down to her feet and needs to be taken care of by others 24/7. Needs to be cleaned and given a shower and had to beg some family members to take her little kids in because she can't take care of them herself. Her brother who is a doctor rented an apartmet for her and got her a maid who he pays for and he is the one who pays for most of her expenses   including adult diapers which are quite expensive over there. I mean this sister does not know she has defecated until she perceives the smell and then she calls someone to come help clean and change her just like a baby. The sister who told me is a doctor and she said the loss of continence due to spinal injury is an irreversible thing so she would remain like that for the rest of her life. I don't think she is even thirty years old yet! Everyone tries as much as possible to avoid spending time with her including her husband and her mum. They go to visit her but could not make themselves to as much as pass the night with her. She has cried so much at her misfortune until her tears dried up and could no longer cry. And I thought I had issues, subhanAllah. I now realize there are some situations which are more difficult to handle than death and if not for Islam she would probably have taken her life by now. I was a complete mess by the time I finished listening to the sister and even wished she had not told me. I pray Allah strengthens the sister's heart and protect her from saying things or asking questions that may count as blasphemy because it would be difficult not to wonder "why me" in her situation. I pray Allah gives her loads of sabr in her affliction and reward each and every pain and discomfort she is having, whether physical or emotional with the ultimate reward; Jannah.

oh oh!

Ok, I've been away from this blog for months. I guess I'm about the only blogger who reads other people's blog but does not even have time to write in hers. I've been a tad too busy with schooling and taking care of my family. A lot have happened since the last time I posted here.

The most touching of which is the sad news I heard about a friend who used to live in my old neighbourhood. She was a quiet, beautiful sister , a mum of 3 cute girls and a very good wife and mum, maa sha Allah. 2 years ago, she moved to another country with her family and we sort of lost contact. So recently, I heard she is sick and is now home in our country, without her kids. The nature of her sickness is very disturbing; a mental illness! Now why would a beautiful healthy woman suddenly develop such? Her hubby got another wife! yes, you read that right. As I heard, she started getting into a state of depression when she was informed about the incoming wife, I don't know what her reaction was when she heard it at first, but for whatever reason, her hubby stopped eating her food(and I know that this man is a good husband so its not like he just stopped eating what she cooked there must be a reason Allahu aalim), and naturally this added to her depression. So one day, she took her kids to the beach (ok so who allows a depressed woman to go to a beach alone with her kids ?) and tried to drown herself and the kids!. Laa hawla walaa kuwwata illa billah. Alhamdulillah there were people around who rushed to rescue them, so, she and her kids are still very much alive, but, this suicide/murder attempt was the reason her hubby sent her back home to her parents to go and take care of herself and come back when she is sane!. Ok, so I cried so much when I heard that the sister who told me wished she did not mention it to me at all. I wept even more when I got off the phone and the rest of my day was messed up. I remembered again when it was time to sleep and could not help crying myself to sleep.

I know that anyone who hears or reads this story would either blame the sister for being sooo weak in her eeman that she could not accept some halal act that her husband did, blah blah, OR, blame the husband for being so wicked and heartless as to hurt his wife, the mother of his kids so badly to the point of being demented, blah blah. So my reaction was sort of both. I was so sad and traumatized that I started to wonder about the meaning of the sentence "Allah does not test us with more than we can bear". I've heard people say if Allah is giving us a test, that means we can bear it, but how do we explain situations like this? how do we explain the very sad case of mira morton a practicing muslimah who killed her husband when he married a second wife. I mean how do we explain the situaion of sisters who stopped covering or those who even stopped praying when they were tested with polygyny in their marriage. Really, I'm confused. Is it that these sisters had the ability to be patient with what Allah gave them, but were just too weak in their eeman that they would not even try? I really don't know, but again I pray as I always do that Allah, the exalted Lord does not test me with that which I cannot bear, aamin.