My mum's phobia for polygyny

I called my mum a call the day after eid because I was too busy to call her on eid day. After the usual exchange of pleasantries and asking about other members of the family and her telling me how the eid celebration went on their end, she told me there is a problem she needs to discuss with me urgently, because she is really disturbed. I was scared by this line of opening and braced myself up to receive the sad news. Well, she said its all about my hb's closest friend, she was at a function few days earlier and she saw two women in niqab getting out of his car and the people with her told her they are his wives. She started telling me how shocked and devastated she was because she did not know he would marry a second wife just like that. My mum knew the first and in fact asked me to invite her to the house just to meet her. She was anxious to meet her because the brother has a physical disability and many had thought he would find it hard getting a wife and he was in his late thirties when she married him. My mum was so pleased to meet her and was nice and loving to her on that day because she saw her as a selfless kindhearted lady who was able to love and marry a man just for the sake of Allah despite his physical disability. She was also aware of the fact that her parents did not approve of her choice of husband and made it clear they did not want to have anything to do with her after marrying him without their consent. They should be married for like 4 years now and my mum, like most people who heard he had remarried feels its a little too early, and that it looks like he betrayed his first wife who lost parental love to be with him, even though its all halaal. Actually, I doubt the sister was even feeling as bad as my mum, because I heard the brother wanted to marry a sister few months after they married and she said she did not mind, so it sounds like someone is crying more than the bereaved.

Apart from feeling sorry for the first wife, my dear mum had another thing to worry about; she said as the brother and my hb are very close friends, she is afraid he would take his lead and soon get interested in marrying another wife as well. Now if my mum is scared of anything happening to her daughters, it is the very thought of any of us being married upon by our husbands. I mean shes scared to death of this that at times I hope it does not ever happen to any of us when she is alive, just for her sake. My mum's paranoia is not just out of the sky, its because my Dad married another wife thirteen years after their own marriage to be able to get himself a son as my mum had six girls. But Allah, the gracious lord blessed her with a son two years after the second wife had a son, but then, it was too late and she became a permanent picture in her life and marriage and my parents relationship has been rocky since then, even though the second marriage has been on for almost thirty years. They never divorced, but they don't live together either and my dad lives with his second wife and their six children in another town, so that means my mum is pretty much alone even as I type this, because my father visits her like once or twice every month. My mum is in her early sixties, so its not so bad that she is all by herself in the house most of the time except when my sister and her family visits, or when my undergraduate kid brother is not in school. But I cringe when I think of when she gets older and needs someone to talk to, someone to share her thoughts and feelings with, or just someone to sit with and enjoy a nice meal...

Eid Mubarak

Alhamdulillah, the blessed month of ramadhaan was completed and we had a most memorable eid yesterday. We planned to go to madina on the eve of eid, perform the eid prayer there and come back home to await our visitors from damaam. But we later changed the plan and stayed on here to be better prepared to receive them. The two families preferred to have their eid prayer in macca and come to our town to celebrate the eid day with us and our neighbour who is also like our family, maa sha Allah. That made four families and nine kids. Needless to say, we had a real nice time together for the rest of the day and later in the evening, we all went to the park to join another family with four kids, and we all got together to thank Allah for everything and of course enjoy a variety of delicious food and desserts while the kids ran around and played on the slides. May Allah benefit all of us with the blessings of the month of ramadhaan and the eid, forgive us and increase us in good in this world ad the next.

My boys love to listen to this beautiful recitation. Enjoy and reflect.

A mystery unraveled after 2 decades!

Few days ago, I had very bad lower abdominal pain which would not go away. I tried lying down, drank water, drank vinegar juice, but it did not get better. I went online to search for the common causes of lower abdominal pain, but what I found made me even more scared than I already was. The two most common causes were said to be appendicitis and kidney problem. I closed the page on kidney problem immediately, because I didn't want to get paranoid.


I knew a little about appendicitis because I was diagnosed with it when I was 14, that was around 20 years ago and the pain was exactly the same. I remember being rushed to the ER, and my poor mum was told I had to be operated on. It was a difficult moment for her because we were on our own. My dad lived in our hometown which was a two hour drive away. I can still vividly remember her sitting by my bedside in the ER, fear and despair written all over her face as tests were being carried out before the scheduled time of the operation to take out my appendix. My dear mum lost my sister few years before that time when she was 8 years old, I was barely 5, a kid, but could still remember her loud wailing and the barrage of visitors in our house when it happened. She was said to have had typhoid fever but, Allah knows best the cause of her death. Back to me, the surgeon that was to take out my appendix was busy with other patients and I was given some analgesics to relieve the pain. When he came few hours later, he said he was tired and that we should leave the operation till the next day. Moreover, I was no longer in pain. The next day, Another doctor came to see me and said maybe I would not need the surgery again as I was completely symptom free and my mum and I were relieved, and all thanks and praise belongs to Allah. That was how I went home with my appendix still intact and nobody could say for sure if it was appendicitis I had or not.


Now, I had exactly the same type of pain which was as bad as I had it then. I used to feel the same pain every few months but not as intense as the one I had last week. It was so painful I could not walk straight, and it made me wonder if it was indeed appendicitis and that my appendix was probably about to burst. I told my hb and off we went to the nearby clinic. The doctor said the same thing I read online that I could have either appendicitis or a kidney problem. She examined my tummy and said my lower abdomen was not as tender as it would be if it were appendicitis, asked me to go for blood test and urine test and gave me an injection to relieve the pain. She however stressed that I should go to the ER in the main hospital if the pain does not subside. I went home and in like two hours, the pain was gone. My hb was however worried that she gave me the injection because he feared the absence of pain could mask the symptom and lead to the appendix to burst which would be a more serious problem. I told him its better we wait for the result of the test and pray for the best. The two tests came out negative and I had to ask the doctor what other ailment I could have had if appendicitis and kidney problem was ruled out. Another doctor was in the room with her when I got there and they both went through my file and the other one asked me about my menstrual cycle. Then she got a clue to what was the cause of my unexplained lower abdominal pain which started 20 years ago. The pain that made me almost part with my appendix, the pain that made my hb and I wonder if I had a bad kidney and we were already thinking of how to face the news that I would be needing a transplant, and I was wondering what would happen to my kids if I were to drop dead because of a failed kidney and inability to get a matching donor...


The pain was caused by ovulation! it was just normal ovulation pain that some 20% of women feel in the middle of their cycle. The pain could be mild or intense, and for twenty years, I have had this pain intermittently, and I did not even know it was ovulation pain?. Its also called mid cycle pain or Mittelschmerz. I had always thought its my appendix each time it came, and just forgot about it after its gone since it never lasted more than a few hours and was usually not unbearable. I am very happy about this discovery, because it meant I dont have to worry about a full appendix about to burst open anymore, then it will make it easier to understand my cycle better and know when it is possible for me to get pregnant or not. Pheeeww!, what a relief, Alhamdulillah.

The school predicament for expatriates living in saudi

I want to write about an issue that affects most foreigners living in Saudi Arabia; The decision on which school to place their kids. The language of communication in Saudi Arabia like most countries in the middle east is arabic, so this is the medium of teaching in saudi schools up till high school level, and in some cases, even to university level. However, a high percentage of foreigners who are not from gulf countries speak english and would rather their kids learn in english. The international private schools teach in english but usually, either they charge exhorbitant fees or they are substandard, or worse, they are run based on the culture and ettiquettes of the country that establish the schools.

In my case, for instance, I want my kids to learn english and arabic and be fluent in both. If I place them in saudi school, then, I have to teach them english myself or find someone to pay to do the job. Otherwise, they would not be able to school in my country, should we decide to return home. On the other hand, if I place them in the international school, they would be lacking in arabic and worse is the fear they may imbibe the un islamic culture of the school, and I need to work very hard to raise them as pious muslim children, and would have to explain to them why they can't do certain things they would be made to do in the school for example, music.

This is a difficult position in which I think I can't win. No one seems to understand. Either someone is telling us to just send them to the saudi school and teach them english, which is easier said than done with 4 boys, or others telling us to send them to the international school and exert the extra effort to guide them to be upright with the help of Allah.

I really pray Allah makes out a way out of this predicament and guide us to what is best for them in this world and the next.

She'd be alright

I am stressed right now about someone who is not only a sister to me but a close friend. She called me yesterday morning to inform me that she has been scheduled to have a ceaseran section at 4.oo p.m. She was 30 weeks gone. I have firm hope she would be alright by the rahmah of Allah. Her phone has been switched off since the last time she called. I expect her call any moment and am sooo nervous, but, I know she is going to be fine, and her baby would live, insha Allah. Ya Allah, let me hear good news from her very soon, let us be able to give thanks to you about her and her baby today. Aaaaaaamin.