I want to share this article written by a brother. Enjoy!Bismillaah Ar-Rahmanir-Raheem
My desire for polygyny, bi'idhnillaah.
I ask that Allaah azza wa jall allow my Sisters in this beautiful deen of Islam to read this with open minds and hearts, while seeking the pleasure of Him, subhannahu wa ta ilaah. Ameen.
Firstly, we all know that our guides, Al Quraan was-Sunnah have provided the Muslims with ample opportunities to show Allaah subhannahu wata ilallah devotion and obedience. For me, aside from many other virtuous acts of ibaadah, I have also chosen polygyny, which is beloved act mentioned by Allaah azza wa jall and practiced by our beloved Prophet sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam; the one whom we as Muslims try insha-Allaah so diligently to mold and shape our lives after. May Allaah azza wa jall have mercy on him, his family, and companions..Ameen! I don’t intent to badger or lecture anyone regarding polygyny, but insha-Allaah my intent to help Sisters to understand the reasons why GOOD Muslim men with GOOD intentions choose polygyny, Maasha-Allaah Tabarakallah. Of course you will always have knuckle-heads who abuse this right, but please understand that there are Muslim men out here, like me Maasha-Allaah, who only intends to utilize polygyny for reasons it was intended Insha-Allaah.
Firstly, as previously mentioned, if you study the tafsir of Quraan (via the true scholars of tafsir), one would understand that when Allaah azza wa jall says, “marry two, three, or four…” in Suratal Nisa, He, azza wa jall, is giving instruction to the Muslims, not a suggestion. Allaah azza wa jall says in the same surah, “IF you find you cannot be just,……” This word “IF” signifies exception. The scholars of tafsir, past and present, understand this issues; and it is the scholars whom we should understand and learn our religion. If we understand polygyny as being what is instructed or what’s highly preferred by Allaah azza wa jall, then why do we make efforts to not attach ourselves to it??? This is the first reason why I personally desire to polygyny..because this is the understanding of those who truly understand the Quraan and Sunnah…and Allaah knows best!!
Secondly, Islam emphasizes the importance of being of support to our Sisters during their times of struggle, hardship, lack of companionship, maintenance, or security. It also emphasizes taking care of fatherless children. Today, the increase in the number of sisters who are left to raise children is atrotious. Why and how, if I have the means and am willing to maintain, protect, support, love, and guide this sister and her children, be wrong?? I thought we, the Muslims, are a people of community and high spiritual standards?? Remember, our standards are not of those who associate partners with Allaah, but that our those who truly seek Allaah’s pleasure. This is my second reason..to be there when my Sisters in Islam need support, insha-Allaah.
Thirdly, my desire for polygyny is to increase the Muslim ummah as well as my lineage insha-Allaah. Due to health and other reasons, many sisters cannot have children., Allaah musta’aan! Typically, most married couples don’t discover the issue of not being able to have children until after they are married. Knowing this, how then will a man be able to have children of his own, to increase his lineage unless he is able to practice “lawful” polygyny.
Fourth, I know many may cringe when they read this, but polygyny for many Muslim men provide a halaal channel for increased sexual energy, which will keep them away from sin. Because some women are unable and even unwilling to "keep up" or maintain a mans "drives", some men become impatient, as Allaah azza wa jall mentions in Quraan, "men become impatitient when it comes to their sexual drives". Many women are faced with medical issues that prevent them from routinely satisfying that drive in their husbands. This issue of protection is just as important in many regards as the other reasons for marriage including comfort, security, solace and companionship. “I have not left behind me any fitnah (temptation) more harmful to men than women.” (Bukhaari, 5096; Muslim, 2740). Zinaa, as we all know, in Islam is considered a major sin. If our brothers mention polygyny as being a desire/need, we should understand that for him, he feels the need to remain obedient to his Lord and not fall into the haraam.The purpose of polygyny is not the satisfaction of the animal lusts or going from one woman to another, but it is a necessary solution to keep one safe from grave sin….Allaah musta’aan! Ameen!
There are many reasons why a person with good character chooses polygyny: extended family, increase in faith, companionship, security, pleasure, charity, increase in wisdom and self-worth, increase in quality of life when a wife cannot complete the needs of her husband. Whatever the personal reason,polygyny is about getting families together, enjoining what is good and permissible, and forbidding what is haraam. Most of the time, it is not an issue of over-loading and women serving men, but it is an issue of love and sharing; community. Whether each individual’s choice pleases Allaah or not in both cases (monogamy or polygamy), it is question of people’s true intentions and desire to make things work in total honesty and faith. Successful polygyny depends on the efforts, patience and degree of faith of each party involved. It is not in the etiquettes of a Muslim to criticize either a man who desires it or a woman who accepts it, for it is their choice, given by Allaah azza wa jall. Although, most sisters do not declare out loud that, "Polygyny is haraam", the actions and opinions of many support this statement. When my sisters in Islam demand that the marriage contract include an 'escape clause' if the man seeks polygyny, they are essentially stating that polygyny is haraam or even dirty in some sense.... or minimally that that person is unwilling to uphold that sunnah or to give her husband his rights granted by Allaah azza wa jall, which is still extremely undesireable. May Allaah azza wa jall protect us all. Ameen. The same can be said of many of our Sisters who make it impossible, through personal and financial demands, for a husband to marry another (a right Allaah gave all righteous believing men). Yes, these sisters are not prohibiting polygyny for all, just for their husbands. Instead of helping a sister in need, perhaps they are pushing the Sister or her husband to sin. In all cases of seeking to attach ourselves to the sunnah via halaal means, to prohibit that halaal action is a disgraceful in the sight of Allaah azza wa jall….and Allaah knows best.
Again, I hope this clarifies some issues regarding a man’s perspective….a good Muslim man with good intentions (Maasha-Allaah), insha-Allaah. Please keep in my Sisters…not all Muslim men mistreat their wives. Not all Muslim men are unjust to their mates. Not all Muslim men abandon their women or leave them penny-less. Not all men abuse or badger their wives. Not all Muslim women demand their rights OVER giving rights to their wives. Believe it or not, there are Muslim men who have good intentions, who love what Allaah loves and hate what Allaah hates, Maasha-Allaah. There are Muslim men out here who sincerely want to care for another sisters children..to give them love, support, comfort, discipline, and to be an example to them. There are Muslim men out here who identifies the needs of struggling sisters and sincerely wants to be there for them. There are some Muslim men who prefer to give all ofthemselves before they give to themselves. There are Muslim men out here who want to see our Sisters happy. There are Muslim men out here who wants to provide avenues for a Sister to learn and cultivate her deen. There are Muslim men out here who would never put his hands on his woman. There are Muslim men out here who desires to firmly attach themselves to the Sunnah…and want to support a sister in her efforts to do the same. There are Muslim men out here who want to provide a place of rest and solice for their wives, bi’idhnillaah. May Allaah have mercy on us all. Ameen!
Sisters…I ask you sincerely, bi’idhnillaah to not throw the towel in on our good Muslim brothers. I ask you to support them in their desire to stay away from the haraam. I humbly ask you to want for your sister what you desire and want for yourself, insha-Allaah. I ask you to imagine yourself in another womans shoes… a woman who not only desires to have a good Mulsim man by her side, but NEEDS the support of a good Muslim man. I ask you to sincerely, in the depths of your ability, to ask Allaah azza wa jall to guide you and to give you the patience needed to overcome your fear and your nafs regarding polygyny, insha-Allaah. Lastly, I ask you to make duah for all those who are challenged with polygyny or may be faced with the potential of polygyny…. and to be a sound ear and advisor to them, inshaAllaah. It could be your kind and supportive words and gestures that may help them to get over that hump, insha-Allaah. I ask Allaah to guide us all to the haqq, to make us stronger Muslims and sincere firm acceptors and followers of the Sunnah. Ameen!
Your Brother in islam!!
I agree! And sadly, it reminds me of what a non muslim man said on a forum sometime ago, he said polygyny is about a man wanting to eat his cake and have hers too...
ReplyDeleteAnd the most annoying arguement to me is; so that a man can protect himself from zina. It just makes muslim men look like animals who can not control themselves. I mean common now, there are men who do not have a wife at all who are not committing zina, what excuse does a man with one wife has?
"polygyny for many Muslim men provide a halaal channel for increased sexual energy"
ReplyDeleteLOL! So if my husband can't keep up will polyamory help me?
Thanks for the laugh :)
'He, azza wa jall, is giving instruction to the Muslims, not a suggestion.'
ReplyDeleteIf you know ANYTHING about Islam, you know never to EVER EVER EVER interpret from one'se self. Nabi (SAW) himself that even if a person's interpretation is correct, he will still be sent to the fire. It is not your place to imply when you obviously know nothing about this ayat!
When was this ayat revealed? After the battle of Uhud. When tons of women were widowed and children orphaned. The encouragement from these verses allowed Muslim men to care for their sisters in Islam in a noble and beautiful manner. I highly doubt that the men you are mentioning here will be sponsoring and caring for the women who are in a similar position. I honestly doubt they will be the breadwinners for those of nations facing despair.
How the hell can you apply this to yourself? How can you twist the words of Allah (SWT) for your own benefit?
'.to be there when my Sisters in Islam need support'
How many brothers out there desperately desire wives, but the corruption of the people has resulted in exhorbitant mahr and prejudices which restrict them from finding a bride? Would it not be more prudent to love for your brother what you love for yourself and to help he who has no-one to aquire someone?
'There are many reasons why a person with good character chooses polygyny: extended family, increase in faith, companionship, security, pleasure, charity, increase in wisdom and self-worth, increase in quality of life when a wife cannot complete the needs of her husband.'
What do you propose a man cannot complete the needs of his wife? Apart from faith, all the reasons listed above could equally be attributed to a person who wishes to and would enjoy committing adultery.
'Instead of helping a sister in need, perhaps they are pushing the Sister or her husband to sin.'
So when Fatima (RA) did not desire for Ali (RA) to marry a second, she was perhaps pushing him to sin? Wow. Our Queen of Jannah. That's the personality you may attribute to her. Lovely.
As salaamu alaykum.
ReplyDeleteWhat or where is the source of the article? I want to link to it, but not through your blog if possible. Jazaaki Allahu khayran.
Slm! While I accept that polygamy is halaal and a Sunnah, I just really have to wonder how it is considered 'better' than monogamy. At best, having more wives can be likened to having more money, possibly a source of great benefit, but possibly also a source of great injustice. If brothers have problems lowering their gaze, the first wife is infertile, the brother desires 40 children, the first wife doesn't fulfill her duties: the first wives are better off under Islamic polygamy. But to marry just for the sake of marrying more than one... How does the wellbeing of (what should be stranger) outweigh the distress caused to the first wife? At the very least brothers should seriously assess their first wive's capabilities of coping with such an arrangement, as so often, even 'philantropic' second marriages end up in the disintegration of the first marriage. So what's the point to orphan your own children for the 'benefit' of another man's children. And by the way...if there is a glut of divorcees in any given society, there is already a problem because numerically there are mates for these women. There is something wrong with the men - they are either choosing the wrong kind of women (in which case she is no candidate for even second wife position) or they themselves are lacking.... Also, keep in mind, that in modern societies women are not as dependent on men as they were 1400 years ago (and not even 100 years ago) - where marriage often was an issue of economic survival. Much easier to accept polygamy when the alternative is destitution. Lastly, Aisha RA, among the BEST of women, and married to the BEST of creation, was severely jealous of the other wives even though she was the favourite. Sometimes it seems that men who actively promote polygamy expect wives to behave better than the best of women, when they themselves can only fall very short of the Prophetic example.
ReplyDeleteMai,I c n p'd it from a polygyny yahoo group, it does not have a link. But if you are interested in joining the group, let me know.
ReplyDelete