Ola, my love.

Today is 13th dhul-hijjah in the hijri calendar. And it is a day my son has waited to come for weeks. He has asked me like countless times what day it was and how many days left before it would be 13th dhul-hijjah. This is because he knew on this day, he would be a whopping 6 year old and he thought that would make him a really big boy and he would be able to tell his friends that he is no longer 5, 5 and a half but 6, maa sha Allah.  The day however, holds very deeper memories for me and always have me holding back the tears, tears of joy and thankfulness each and every time I remember that day...                                                            I was pregnant with my second child, and we just had our eid party 2 days before. I had my first baby exactly 1week before my EDD and was already getting impatient when the second one was still chilling out in my womb a day before the EDD and I was all big and swollen. So when I woke up on the 12th dhul-hihhah of that year, with labour pains, I was really excited I was going to see the lil man in a few hours at last. This is because my first baby was born after about 8 hours of labour. So, with my previous experience, I knew it may take a few hours after the onset of labour before the baby would be born and did not want to be at the hospital for too long, I decided to spend some time cleaning my house and even took a walk before asking my Hb to take me to the hospital. We got there around noon and the pain was not yet bad at that time. I was checked by a doctor who said I should go back home because I was just 2 cm dilated and there was no point putting me on admission. I was reluctant to go back home because the hospital we chose was a 30 minute drive from where we lived then but I had to go. I spend the next few hours walking and taking a break when the contractions start, hoping this will help shorten he length of the labour. Around 10 in the evening, I felt the contractions were lasting longer and were fewer apart and I was getting weak because I could not make myself eat or drink anything, so I told The man to take mt back to the hospital. He did not think it was time yet and said we should wait a while longer because he did not want to have to take me back home a second time. Well, I insisted I had to go because I was really in pain and when he saw how serious I was, he picked up my 2 yr old and off we went to the hospital. By the time e got there, I could barely walk and I was so sure I would soon have my baby, but I was so wrong. I got checked again and was told I was still 2cm dilated and I have to go back home. I refused. I told the doctor I had a baby before and there has to be an explanation for this pain I was having and why would I not dilate more for many hours despite having close contraction that were painful. So, the doctor called on another doctor who is more experienced thnt her who examined me and found out there was a problem. I was quickly sent upstairs to the delivery room and it was on the way there that I heard a nurse telling another that I had abruptio placenta. They probably assumed I would not know what it meant. Thankfully, I am one who reads a lot and had read almost every book around about prregnancies and the complications that could occur before or during confinement that I was really scared when I heard that from the nurse. I started crying. The thought of losing my son after 9 months of difficulty; nausea, throwing up, heartburns to mention a few was just unbearable. I was making all the dua I know, beggeing Allah to save my baby. I was strapped to the fetal heart monitor and was given the oxygen mask and a nurse was left with me to monitor the baby and to call on the doctor in case she notice the baby was in distress so that I could be taken to the theatre for CS and all the while I was just weeping and praying and the fear of losing my baby masked all the pain such that I could not even remember labour pain any more. All I could think of was having a life, healthy baby. I was there for some hours and the labour did not progress until the doctor decided to break the water sac at around 3.00a.m. All that while, I could not even get in touch with my Hb who was sent home around midnight and was made to take my phone because I was not supposed to have any phone, money, jewelry or any other valuable with me...                                                                                                                           I eventually had the baby at 7.15 a.m, 26 hours after the onset of labour and I was so happy to hear his screams and found out he was perfectly ok, maa sha Allah tabaarakAllah and when I held him, I was filled with awe. The thought that just a small mistake could have made all the difference and the story would have had another end? Suppose I had agreed to return home when the young doctor checked me the second time, would I have had this cute 6 year old first grader today? I have a cold shiver just thinking of all the mums that have lost their babies because of a simple slip by the doctor, the nurse or even the mother herself. I really really thank my Lord for turning my tears into laughter and for blessing me with even more healthy loving kids after my dear sweet Ola was born six years ago. This is Ola's birth story. I would make out time to write the others' some day, as they all enjoy listening to their birth stories.

Divorce For No Reason?

Marriage is sacred and its not something to play with. I know if any normal moderately reasonable person were asked if its okay to divorce a spouse without any reason at all, their first reaction would be of course not! But hey, I have been on a site before where a brother was trying to prove to everyone else that requiring a valid reason for a divorce applies only to women and that a man could divorce a good, pious, beautiful, obedient wife for no other reason than he just wants to do so, and there would be no sin on him, and his evidence was that a sahabah did the same. Well, I was somehow disturbed that a supposedly pious muslim brother could be peddling that view on a public forum and I tried to reason with him that even the prophet SAW did not divorce any of his wives and he told men in his farewell pilgrimage speech to fear Allah and be good to women etc, but he insisted that there is no evidence that a man needs a reason at all to divorce a wife no matter how good she is. I came across this fatwa from a reputable scholar and posted it on the site for him to see and more importantly so that other muslim men without knowledge would not be misled by his "view". I decided to share it here too because how much i hate divorce...

Divorce For No Reason?
Author: Al ‘Allaamah Shaikh Zayd ibn Muhammad al-Madkhalee (hafithahullah)

Translator: Abu Fouzaan Qaasim
❁❁❁
Q: Does the husband incur sin if he divorces his wife for no reason?
A: The reason behind him divorcing her must be looked into. If he has a valid
excuse for why he divorced her, then there is no problem (in him doing so).
However, if he mistreated her and divorced her for no reason whatsoever, she doesn't
have any (outstanding) flaws in her manners or physical makeup or any offense
transpired on her behalf, then there is no doubt that he sins. This is because he
treated her wrongly and perhaps she has no family hence becoming a victim of
poverty and destitution. So it is upon the men to fear Allaah.
The marital life of the believing men and women is connected (i.e. between them in
this worldly life and the next). The wife of a slave in this world will be his wife in
Paradise in the highest degree of beauty and perfection, superior to the hoorul- 'eeyn
due to her prayers, fasting and belief in Allaah.
So it is upon the Muslim to be very diligent (upon holding onto his wife) if Allaah
facilitates for him a woman from amongst the people of Tawheed, prayer and fasting.

__________________________________________________________________
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And if certain things occur from her of crookedness or mistakes, then he corrects
them to the best of his ability. (And know!) that there isn't any person except that they
have faults and are prone to make mistakes. However sticking to and applying
patience is (from) the mannerisms of the Mu'mineen..... na'am.
Q: What about the statement of The Most High:




“But if you intend to replace a wife with another...” [4:20]?
A: Na'am, if he wants to, however, because of a reason. It isn't intended for the
man to change (i.e. divorce) his wife who he has taken care of and lived with for
sometime except because of a reason that forces him to divorce (her). (If this is the
case) then there is nothing wrong with letting her go.
❁❁

POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

Personality:
1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

3. Don't over do; keep your limits

4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does

5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip

6. Dream more while you are awake

7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..

8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind (your partner) others of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present

11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you

12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like
algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

13. Smile and laugh more

14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:

15. Call your family often

16. Each day give something good to others

17. Forgive everyone for everything

18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6

19. Try to make at least three people smile each day

20. What other people think of you is none of your business

21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will Stay in touch.

Life:

*****As Muslims we say Allaah


22. Put (GOD) Allaah first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.

23. GOD heals everything

24. Do the right things

25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change

26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up

27. The best is yet to come

28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful

29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it

30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.



ENJOY LIFE WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE ........

**article written by an unknown author**

SECRET CODE; MY REASON

I made a post about not expecting any good from a husband to avoid/minimize being hurt. I know that some men would read that statement and think its BS, and maybe some women who are blessed with good husbands would wonder why anyone would even say this, but here is what led to that line of thought...

Madam A was happily married for 40 years.

The marriage was blessed with 6 kids, all grown and married.

Madam A's husband decided to marry young girl, the age of his last child.

Madam A was not happy about it because she did not expect it to happen at that time since they were both in their sixties and did not have any problems, but she is a Muslim and she knows its his right so she accepted it and life went on.

Madam A's husband and the second wife were living in another town not very far from madam A, but she still gets to see her husband every now and then.

One day (after 5 years) Madam A's husband shows up at madam A's house with his little kids he had with the second wife and announced to madam A that he had divorced the second wife and that she (madam A) would have to help him raise the kids.

Again, madam A was not happy to raise another woman's kids especially at that stage of her life when she just wanted to relax and enjoy her retirement, visiting her kids and grand-kids when she wants, but she accepted nonetheless, not wanting to disobey her husband.

And, guess what? I mean guess what?! Few weeks later, she found out that her husband did not divorce his second wife and that they were still living together in the same house as husband and wife, only without their little kids who were brought for her to raise under the guise of their mum being divorced. Now isn't that just so convenient? gotta love these husbands...

Well, madam A and her kids had had enough! they figured out their dad did that because it was his house, so he felt he had a right to leave his kids there and he can have a peaceful life with his second wife without being disturbed by the lil ones. So one of madam A's sons moved his mum into his house to live with him, so that their good dad could have his dear little house all to himself and he can move whoever he wants into it...

Explanation of Imaam an-Nawawi’s Forty Hadeeth

Explanation of Imaam an-Nawawi’s Forty Hadeeth

The secret code to a happy marriage

I came up with a simple fix for marital problems after I heard what happened to a woman who is dear to me. The secret code is; DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING GOOD FROM YOUR HUSBAND. ok, I know this just sounds soo ridiculous but I remembered the words written in a birthday card someone gave my sister many years ago. It read;

blessed are those who do not expect a gift on their birthday,

for they will not be disappointed...

You are not my child

Hello blog world. Someone left me a comment suggesting that I should advice my dad about being fair since some men are known to have a soft spot for their daughters.
Such a great advice, but it reminded me of an incident that happened in my life when I was I think close to 11. My dad left my mum and my siblings when I was 10 to go and live in our hometown when he got a better job. My dad's second wife at that time was already living alone with her children in the family house in our hometown. So what happened was he more or less left us to be with her. He did not divorce my mum or anything. He even suggested she (we all) move together but my mum declined. Reason was, my mum was working and she uses some of her money for household expenses and she thought leaving her job (which was not a high income job) to go live in the family house with her co-wife and be at the mercy of my dad, who is known to be very stingy with his money would be unbearable. So we started living alone with my mum, and dad visits us like once a month or 2 months. Whenever he comes, he gives mum some money for food and money to pay our school fees.

Within a few months, he started visiting less frequently and things were a little hard because my mum was a junior worker and it was difficult for her to do everything with her meagre salary. We then moved from our 3 bedroom flat to a one bedroom flat because my mum ould no longer afford to pay rent for the bigger house. We could barely feed in the house and my mum sometimes needs to borrow some money from her friends to buy groceries and she pays back at the end of the month. When it got to a stage whereby we were sent away from school beause we could not pay school fees and she could not afford it, she decided it was time to go to my hometown to vivsit my dad and get the monthly money he gives for feeding and that of our school fees. Just before she left the house, I gave her a letter to give my dad and she took it from me without bothering about what was written in it because as she said later, she just assumed its a short note to say salaams and tell him we miss him and other whatnot because my dad and I had a great relationship and they all call me daddy's girl.

She returned after 2 days and we were able to go back to school and life went on as usual. Shortly after that, maybe 2 weeks later or so, my dad came to visit and I noticed he was cold towards me but I did not make anything of if. One day, before he returned to his base, my mum was snooping around in his bag and there she saw a letter written by me in which I talked about the difficulty we were going through in the house, how we could not even eat easily and how we had to be sent away from school for not paying school fees. Then I ended it with "you should not have married another wife" or something worded along that line. Then she saw something that broke her heart; below my letter was my dad's reply to me and it read: definitely mena, you are not my child, You are a bastard. He wrote some other things that I can't remember now but the first sentence has been in my memory since then. I know what I wrote in my letter questioning why he married a second wife was harsh. But what does one expect from an eleven year old girl who is going through difficulties along with her mum and siblings and who is totally helpless as there is nothing she can do about it?

So my mum took out the letter and called me to her presence. She said she would not have delivered the letter to my dad if she knew that was what I wrote in there. She was so scared and disturbed and she scared me too. There I had just been disowned for daring to question my dad's reason for marrying a second wife and making all our lives difficult. My mum later calmed down and went to a friend of hers for advice and that friend told her to destroy the letter and never mention it. I think my dad planned to give me the letter but when it mysteriously disappeared from his briefcase, he did not bother to mention it again and he left after some days...