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So long...

I have not visited this blog for a long time because a lot has happened in my life in the last few months to keep me busy.

I got pregnant in September and was looking forward to having my 5th baby in June 2013.

My mum came for hajj and I was able to see her again after 5 years. It was such a happy reunion maa sha Allah. We went to meet her in madina 3 days after she arrived and she was so excited to see all of us especially my last 2 kids that she had not seen after they were born.

I made hajj for the second time with my hb. A kind friend (may Allah reward her and bless her loads) offered to help look after my kids and she actually moved into my house just to make them comfy. So during hajj I spent most of the time with my mum and really enjoyed her company.

2 and a half weeks after returning from hajj, I went in for my first scan at 10 weeks 2 days but was told there was no heartbeat which means baby was not ok. I was sent to the big hospital for further tests and it was confirmed that the baby was dead 2 days after. I spent the next few days getting one test or the other and was able to get a d and c done exactly 1 week ago. I had to wait for 12 days after the first scan before the d n c and it was such a traumatic period for me knowing I was walking around with a dead baby in me. I however was able to hold it all together and not lose my mind before the time, with the help of Allah.

A friend who has had a number of d and cs assured me it was a simple procedure and I would be discharged few hours after the operation. I went in Saturday nite to be admitted as my doctor said it will be done Sunday Morning. I was calm before I got to the hospital but as soon as I got there I was overcome with intense fear, like I was going to die or something. It was so bad that I was having pain in my chest subhanallah!. When I got to the room in the antenatal ward and the nurse showed me my bed, I burst into tears when I remember being on this type of bed 3 and a half years ago to have AZ. I think the fact that I had been walking around the house all this while holding my emotions and putting up an act because I did not want the kids to see me distraught and miserable, made my hb overestimate my strength so he was shocked to see me crying there by the bedside. In fact, he was scared. He asked me if the nurses told me something that was making me cry. Like has the situation worsened and they need to cut through my tummy to remove the dead baby? I said no, they ddnt tell me anything new. I just was reminded of how I used to go to the hospital to have a baby and now I was getting admitted to have a dead baby removed from my body...

I put myself together again and waited for hb to leave before crying myself to sleep. I slept for like 2 hours and then couldn't sleep anymore so I  decided to just read the books my dear friend packed for me before leaving the house to keep me busy. As morning drew near, my fear increased and I was wondering if I would never see my kids again. At this point, I started praying for forgiveness and that Allah should Protect and take care of my kids if I were to pass on. I was calm after that till I was taken to the theatre. I must have looked so frightened that one of the nurses came to tell me not to be scared and that I would be fine. The woman who gave me the anesthesia told me to say bismillah...

I woke up 30 minutes later to the cries of babies who have just been delivered via cs. It took me some minutes to be fully awake and aware of my surrounding. I was thankful, very thankful that I just kept saying alhamdulillah. I was returned to the ward and was thinking I will go home in a few hours as my friend told me. She also told me I may spot for 3 to 4 days after the d and c when I get home. Well, to my surprise, I was bleeding heavily that I had to call the nurses to come have a look. I was told to keep lying down on the bed and that the bleeding will cease. I was kept in the hospital till the next day to be observed. It did eventually lighten up and I was discharged in the afternoon the next day. The doctor told me to expect to bleed like my period and that my regular period was to return in like 4 weeks. I had normal bleeding like a period for 6 days that was reducing in intensity and it stopped yesterday. I was relieved to have it all over and done with. But I was wrong. I woke up this morning to see a lot of bright red blood and I was scared to the bone. I was at a lost as to what to do. I just laid in bed for hours. I did not pray fajr even though I had been praying all this while just to be safe. I made a search online to see if it was normal because I so feared going back to the hospital. I got mixed responses and just decided to wait it out and see what tomorrow will bring. As I type this, the bleeding has reduced to only spotting again so I am hoping it will be ok insha Allah .

Alhamdulillah!!!

Its been one long and busy summer for my family. In the begining of the summer vacation, I had a long list of goals set for the kids. This included memorizing one juz each and continous revision to perfect the surahs they have memorized. I also wanted each of them to complete the curriculum for their grades in english, maths and science as well as improve on their reading both arabic and english books among other things. I told them that even though summer is supposed to be for vacation, travelling and having a nice time, we would spend a great part of our summer studying. The schedule was; the whole day would be spent studying while taking breaks to perform salah, eat and clean up along the line. Their playtime is after maghrib. I told them if they co-oporate and work hard enough such that we are able to meet our target, they would have many nice gifts incuding new bikes. I told them that the only way to compensate for not travelling to visit our family is by making the utmost out of their time so that they will not be losing both ways. I thank Allah for the type of children I have. They usually easily accept whatever I tell them and I can say this is the best summer I have spent in this country based on how I spent my time with my kids, alhamdulillah. We made umrah twice during the vacation and then spent tbe eid in makkah and the day after eid in Madina. The joy living in Saudia maa sha Allah. Here are the pictures of the eid cakes I made with them. I cant even describe how nice they tasted....

WHY FASTING WAS SINGLED OUT

Why was fasting singled out.....?

Assalam 'alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.

Why was fasting SINGLED OUT when Allaah said, “Fasting is for Me and I shall reward for it?”

The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah said: ‘Every deed of the son of Adam is for him except fasting; it is for Me and I shall reward for it…’” [Al-Bukhaari (1761) and Muslim (1946) ]

Because all deeds are for the sake of Allaah and He is the One Who rewards for them, the scholars differed concerning this phrase, “Fasting is for Me and I shall reward for it” – why is fasting singled out in this manner?

Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) quoted the views of ten scholars who sought to explain the meaning of this hadeeth and why fasting was singled out in this manner. The most important of these views are as follows:

1 – That there is no showing off in fasting as may happen in other acts of worship. Al-Qurtubi said: Because showing off may enter into all good deeds, but no one can see when a person is fasting except Allaah, so Allaah connected it to Himself. Hence He said in the hadeeth, “He gives up his desire for My sake.” Ibn al-Jawzi said: All acts of worship can be seen when done, and they may be contaminated with some element of showing off, unlike fasting.

2 – That what is meant by the words, “I shall reward for it” is: I am the only One Who knows the extent of his reward and how much his hasanaat (good deeds) will be multiplied. Al-Qurtubi said: What this means is that the amount of reward for good deeds may become known to people, and they will be rewarded between ten and seven hundred fold, and as much as Allaah wants, except fasting, for Allaah will reward it without measure. This is supported by a report narrated by Muslim (115) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Every deed of the son of Adam will be rewarded between ten and seven hundred fold. Allaah said: ‘Except fasting, for it is for Me and I shall reward for it’” – i.e., I shall reward it greatly, without specifying how much. This is like the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning”

[al-Zumar 39:10]

3 – That what is meant by “fasting is for Me” is that it is the dearest of acts of worship to Me. Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said: The words “Fasting is for Me” are sufficient to indicate the superiority of fasting over all other acts of worship. Al-Nasaa’i (2220) narrated that Abu Umaamah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You should fast, for there is nothing like it.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i.

She died on her wedding night...

True strory told by Shaykh “Abdul Mohsen al Ahmad”, it happened in Abha (the capital of Asir province in Saudi Arabia)

“After performing Salat Al Maghrib, she put her make-up, wore her beautiful white dress preparing herself for her wedding party, Then she heard the Adhan of ‘Ishaa and she realized that she broke her Wudu.

She told her mother : “mother, I have to go to make wudu and pray ‘Ishaa”

Her mother was shocked : “Are you crazy?!! Guests are waiting for you, to see you! what about your make -up? It will be all washed away by water!!” then she added:

” I am your mother and I order you not to perform salah now! wallahi if you make wudu now, I will be angry at you”
Her daughter replied :”wallahi I won’t go out from here till I perform my salah! Mother you must know that “There is no obedience to any creature in disobedience to the Creator.”!!

Her mother said:”what would our guests say about you when you’ll show up in your wedding party without make-up?! You won’t be beautiful in their eyes! and They will make fun of you!”

The daughter asked with a smile :”Are you worried because I won’t be beautiful in the eyes of creations? What about my Creator?! I am worried because, if I miss my salah, I won’t be beautiful in His eyes”

She started to make wudu, and all her make-up was washed away, but she didn’t care.

Then she began her salah and at the moment she bowed down to make sujud, she didn’t realize that it will be her last one!

Yes! She died while in sujud! What a great ending for a Muslimah who insisted on obeying her Lord! Many people who heard her story were so touched!!

She put Him and His obedience first in her priorities, so He granted her the best ending that any Muslim would have!
She wanted to be closer to Him, so He took her soul in the place where Muslim are the closest to Him! Subhana Allah!
She didn’t care if she would be beautiful in the eyes of creatures so she was beautiful in the eyes of Her Creator!

O Muslim sister, imagine if you are in her place! What will you do? What will you choose : pleasing creations or your Creator?

O dear sister! Do you guarantee that you will live for the next minutes? Hours? Months?!!
No one knows when their hour will come? Or when will they meet angels of death? So are you ready for that moment?
O non hijab sister! What do you choose : Pleasing yourself by not wearing Hijab or pleasing your Lord by wearing hijab?
Are you ready to meet Him without Hijab?


And what about you, sister who are “in relationship” or “open relationship”, are you ready to meet your Lord today? Tomorrow?! What do you choose pleasures of this Dunya or pleasures of akhirah?!
May Allah guide us all to what pleases Him and grant everyone who is reading these lines good ending, Ameen.

Source

RaNdOm thoughts

I have been busy with kids and tahfeez school for weeks so I have not been able to write in my blog. I am done with exams now and the kids started their summer break so I can steal a few minutes here and there to write. I wish the summer can be spent relaxing and having lots of fun and traveling to see our family members, but its not going to be that way. My kids go to the Government schools which uses the Arabic curriculum and arabic as a medium of teaching every subject. We are from an English speaking country so I have to homeschool my children in English language especially during the summer so that they can cope in a regular English speaking school if and when we return home. This would not have been an issue if we were certain we would be here as long as we want, but KSA does not usually grant citizenship to expats no matter how long  ere but their status is like that of any other person born anywhere else. They don't have any special privilege as a result of being born here. If may Allah forbid, we become jobless, we all have to leave. So, teaching them in English using the American curriculum becomes imperative so that we have a back up plan in case of the unexpected. It will be nice staying here forever but there is really no true Hijrah to KSA since You cant determine how long you remain there and everything at the end is in Allah's hands.

 What I wrote in my last post about a man remarrying soon after his wife passes away was in no way meant to criticize the man in question. I can't even imagine what he must be going through. He is all alone now and the kids are still in their country because he cant care for them properly on his own and he has to go to work so they will have to be left alone at home for many hours in a day which is not a good thing. 

  The only thing I personally felt even though it should not be any of my business is that it was a little too soon. But hey I cant even blame my late friends hb since it was her own mum that offered her sister to him in marriage. The mum might have reasoned he would end up marrying some woman one day sooner or later anyways so why not tell him to marry her daughter so that she would not lose him as a son-in-law  and risk her grandkids being maltreated by a total stranger that he is likely to marry. I guess the way women think is completely different from the way men think. Thankful slave mentioned that it usually happens the other way round as well. Yes. I have seen it before even in my own culture. In fact this is more common than the husband marrying his late wife's sister and it is seen as acceptable. But I notice a woman usually feels reluctant to remarry after her husband dies and if they do, it takes a longer time before they can really make themselves do it. The sister Thankful slave mentioned that married her B-I-L after her hb passed away most likely did not marry him the day after her iddah ended right? even though that would have been halal.One of our friends was not at all surprised when she heard our late friends hb was remarrying. She said she had a neighbour back home who married his late wife's sister a week after she passed away. Meanwhile a friend of mine whom I wrote about on this same blog who lost her husband january last year still puts me off each time I pray for her that she would be blessed by another husband who will help her to raise her young kids. She tells me she does not need a husband; she needs to give her all to her kids. Of course I think she may eventually change her mind one day and decide to remarry, but hmmmm...what I have concluded in my little mind is..................................................................

Men, no matter what they think or how macho they think they are and see themselves as being superior to woman, Despite the fact that  many do not respect women or even realize how important women are, are more in need of women than they will ever be able to accept and affirm, women also need men but men need women more than women need men. I have heard many women say they will not remarry if their husband dies before them whereas men are in fact fantasizing having another woman or other women even when their wife is beside them. I know most people will not agree with this but these are my RaNdOm thoughts for today.

 

Mixed feelings.

I heard some news today that I did not expect and had mixed feelings about it. I was talking to a sister today lets call her R, and she asked me if its true that one of my neighbours is a second wife to which I affirmed. She said she heard that the first wife was here with the husband and was sent back to their country when he married the second wife and wanted to bring her over to Saudi. I was aware of the story as the first wife was my friend when she was here. So the sister was kind of shocked and asking me how the first wife took it and  is she ok with being sent away, (not divorced) and being replaced by a much younger woman, etc. I told the sister that as far as I know, the first wife is ok with the second marriage because polygyny is common where she came from although she did not want to go back home at that time but she did not really have a choice as it was the husband's decision to have her go back home so he could bring the new wife over. He travels to their country during the summer to see her and he sends money to her regularly. Anyways, this led to me asking how polygyny is seen in the country R came from and she said it is not common as most men marry just 1 wife. So I asked what if the wife dies would the husband remarry? she said yes of course, but while she is alive, he remains married to her only and this is their culture. Coincidentally, R and My friend who passed away recently are from the same country, so I couldn't help asking what is the average duration of time a man who lost his wife is normally expected to wait before he remarries (in their culture) and I gave Tahera's husband as an example.Then I got the bombshell; He will remarry in a month to Tahera's sister. He already spoke to her mum and they are in agreement with the proposal. So why did I have mixed feelings? I was happy on one hand that at least he would have someone to take care of the kids and a companion for himself to help lessen the grief of the sudden loss of his wife. On the other hand, I could not help wondering if my hubby would be trying to marry my sister 2 months after I pass away. Not that I have a sister that is not married but if I had, would he want to do that as well? I don't mean its a bad thing to do because at least marrying the sister of your late wife would be better for the kids than marrying a total stranger who did not know their mum and who is likely to maltreat them except she has the fear of Allah in her. But hey, most people don't walk around thinking if they die their spouse will marry their sister (or brother if its the husband that died).
So there I have another reason to be reminded about the nothingness of the life of this world and to strive to put forward as many good deeds as possible for my akhira. And I write this as a reminder for all of us.
If you die today, someone is is going to live in your house, someone else is going to wear your cloths, someone else is going to drive your car, someone else is going to marry your husband or your wife and it goes on and on. I am not writing this to put blame on Tahera's husband, he probably took this decision in the best interest of his kids. If he does not remarry, he can't take care of the kids alone because he has to go to work, The only other option would be sending the kids back home to be raised by family members which would not be fair to the kids to not live with their dad after losing their mum. May Allah give him and is new wife to be the best and may Allah help them both in raising the kids and giving them their best. aamin.