A thankful slave

Losing weight is now a must

2012-01-18T23:50:00.000-08:00

I have been overweight for many years now. It started after I had my first child, around 8 years ago. I was at what is known as a healthy weight before I got married. I have never had to do anything about my weight, until that time. I ate whatever I wanted including junk food, sweets, chocolates, anything. I have never thought of exercising. I was active because I was in school and normal daily activities was just enough to keep me healthy.

After marriage, I moved to Saudi and got pregnant and sick. I could barely keep anything down. I lost weight in the first trimester and was really weak. I made it through the 9 months and was blessed with a healthy baby, maa sha Allah. But there was a problem. Being a food lover, I was pissed about the fact that I could not enjoy my meals for almost 9 months. My nausea and vomiting started very early, even before I realized I was pregnant. The nausea drugs given by the doctor did not work. I was told it usually subsides after the first semester but mine did not. It continued till the time of confinement. Needless to say, after delivery, I started eating like never before and I just assumed I would not gain weight due to overeating because I thought afterall, I used to eat a lot in the past and never gained weight. How wrong I was. I realized I was getting out of shape and breastfeeding alone would not help me lose weight when my baby was around a year. I started taking steps towards healthy living and lost some pounds in a few weeks. But before I could really get back into shape, I got pregnant with my second baby. I had 2 more babies after that. When I had my 4th, my first baby was 5 and a half years old. I now weigh 193 pounds. After my last child, I decided to get serious about losing weight because by that time, I was really concerned about the health implications of being fat as well as my desire to look good for my hb. I tired so many fad diets and always lose around 10 pounds and regain it off and on. I have a problem staying on a particular diet for long time so understandably, I did not succeed while on any of them. The last I tried was Atkins but I stopped because firstly, I read something about a risk to the kidneys and then it was not so much fun eating so many eggs, chicken, meat and veggies. I also learnt it is not safe to be in ketosis while pregnant and my system is such that I sometimes get pregnant without knowing, so I did not want to take chances.

I wrote in my last post about taking Grape seed extract for melasma and then being pleasantly surprised that my tinnitus stopped. I was puzzled about what could be the relationship between the supplement and tinnitus and decided to do a little research. I have good reasons to suspect that I have pulsatile tinnitus which has nothing to do with the ear but the blood vessels. I found this

"Pulsatile tinnitus is the type of ear noise that is perceived as a rhythmic pulsing that is often in time with the heartbeat. It can be experienced as a thumping or whooshing sound. It is sometimes referred to as vascular tinnitus because in the majority of cases, it is related to disturbances in the blood flow. About 3% of tinnitus patients experience this type of tinnitus.

Pulsatile tinnitus usually originates within the blood vessels inside the head or neck region when disturbed blood flow occurs. This results from either increased blood flow or a narrowing of the opening of the blood vessel, both of which result in turbulent blood flow that can be heard in the ear."

I feel this explains why taking GSE for just 2 days could relieve my tinnitus. GSE is known to help blood circulation. This also explains why I had low blood pressure. It was stated in the site, (www.tinnutusformula.com) I found this from that there could be an underlying cause and in rare cases, it could lead to a stroke. I made further search and found that pulsatile tinnitus is more common in young women who are overweight and that losing weight most of the time is enough to take the problem away, completely. I will make an appointment with the ENT again and this time around, I will insist he carries out the necessary tests and discuss with him what I have found out about my tinnitus to be able to help him in helping me. The problem with tinnitus is being able to find out the cause so as to know how to treat it. Now that I believe I have an Idea about the cause, it should be easy for the doctor to understand what the overall problem is and what to do about it. But before I see the doctor, I have made up my mind to have a turnaround today and start eating right and living healthy.

Saying bye to tinnitus

2012-01-14T03:43:00.000-08:00

Hello dear blog. Here I am again writing after a period of break. I had been busy with school and kids so I could not write most of what I needed to.

Well, I have never mentioned on this blog that I have tinnitus; an annoying ringing of the ears which is only best understood by anyone who has had it. It started 5 years ago, when I was pregnant with my 3rd baby. I did not know what it was and did not do anything about it for some months. Then I thought of making a search on the net only to find out there is a name for it and that many people suffer from the condition. The worst news is that it is said to not have a cure and that poeple just have to learn to live with it. I went to some home remedy sites and found some suggested remedies which did not work. I made an appointment with an ENT even though most people say ENTs have no clue about how to treat it. Well, the look on the doctor's face was very depressing as he gave me some drugs to take for 2 months and then return to him. It was as if he knew the drug is not likely to help. It happened that I was nursing my baby at that time and he was just 4 months old so i decided to search online as I always do before taking any medication. It was said that the drug is not safe while nursing or pregnant. I went back to the doctor days later and he assured me that there is no problem and that I can take it. I searched again and some people said the med- called Vastarel can actually cause ear ringing. Knowing how debilitating the tinnitus can be, I was afraid that taking the drug while nursing has a risk of my baby developing tinnitus in future, and I do not even wish this ringing on an enemy, I decided not to take chances, so I did not take the medicine. I kept trying to cope with it. I tried masking the noise with the AC or the kitchen exhaust fan. Most of the time don't remember I have tinnitus as long as there is an AC or a fan on but the problem starts when I go to other people's houses and they don't want the AC on because their kids have a cold. I have to block my left hear with my palm just to stop hearing the noise. At times my ear hurts and I just try to live with it.

Recently, I found out that the reason a small scar on my body gets darker each time I try to lighten it is because I have melasma. I went to see a dermatologist who gave me some bleaching creams that contain 4% hydroquinone. I used it for some weeks and did not notice a difference. I used some other rermedies like castor oil, baking soda, shea butter but the scar did not lighten. Later a friend gave me a cream that worked to lighten the spot. I was happy to have found something that works at last. I use sunscreen on it so that it does not darken again but to my surprise it became even darker than it was before the cream in only a week. So I resolved to never use anything on it again. I went to my dear site www.earthclinic.com for advice. Most people there who have had success with getting rid of their melasma said they treated it from the inside. I decided to go that route. The 2 most recommended supplemnts were Grape seed extract and grapefruit seed extract. I could not find the latter where I live so I decided to give Grape seed extract a shot to see if it would work. I bought a bottle from GNC and started taking 500mg a day just 3 days ago. And the first thing I noticed is that my ear ringing stopped!!!. Anyone who has never had tinnitus would not know what it means to be able to sit in a quiet room without hearing some ringing sound from inside your own head. Yesterday was the first time I slept throughout the night without the help of noise from an AC or a fan. I really could not believe it. I was trying to treat melasma with GSE but it took away my tinnitus. I really pray this lasts forever! I am doing more research on GSE to understand the correlation. I read on dr Lam's (www.drlam.com) site that it should be taken for 12 weeks to treat some other condition. I don't know if it can be taken long term, but if it is safe, I would be ready to take it for the rest of my life. Also, I would share my experience on as many websites as possible to help other tinnitus sufferers. It is disheartening to see how many people are being scammed by the numerous online books that claim to cure or treat tinnitus. I always search for the reviews by independent sites and always find that it is a scam. If you read about this and know anyone that has tinnitus, please advice them to try GSE, who knows, it may just be what they need to have silence in their heads again.

Low blood pressure , obesity and Anaemia

2011-11-18T04:07:00.001-08:00

I made a post about my unexplained tiredness after eating sometime ago which I later found out it was due to low blood pressure. As I mentioned in that post, the doctor said its not a disease, just a condition and I just need to make some adjustment to my eating and other regimen to be okay.
I decided I would try to lose weight and see if my condition would improve. I have gained about 20kg in 9 years, between the time I was pregnant with my first child and now. I have tried different approach in the past without success. I have a problem staying on a particular diet programme for a long time. I start getting impatient if I don't see results within days...
Around 3 months ago, I decided to try the popular low carb diet; Atkins. I lost 10 pounds before the end of the 2 week induction. I felt so happy because I had never lost 10 pounds in such a short period of time in the past. I however had to stop after 3 weeks for health reasons. I have been told I had low haemoglobin few months back and was taking Iron supplements. One of the rules of Atkins is not to take any iron supplements, not even the ones added to multivitamin pills. So I figured if my low blood pressure was (partly) due to my being anaemic, staying on a diet that forbids me from taking my iron supplements may make my low B.P. worse. Well, I started eating carbs again after 23 days of clean low carb eating, and of course, my weight crept up again. I went back to the doctor and got another prescription of Iron supplement and started taking it again. For the low blood pressure, the only thing that has worked is drinking a glass of water before my first meal and if i have not eaten for many hours during the day, I also drink water before eating. I may try Atkins again in future when I am no longer Anaemic. But for now, I have to find an alternative way of losing weight.

Ola, my love.

2011-11-09T00:34:00.000-08:00

Today is 13th dhul-hijjah in the hijri calendar. And it is a day my son has waited to come for weeks. He has asked me like countless times what day it was and how many days left before it would be 13th dhul-hijjah. This is because he knew on this day, he would be a whopping 6 year old and he thought that would make him a really big boy and he would be able to tell his friends that he is no longer 5, 5 and a half but 6, maa sha Allah. The day however, holds very deeper memories for me and always have me holding back the tears, tears of joy and thankfulness each and every time I remember that day... I was pregnant with my second child, and we just had our eid party 2 days before. I had my first baby exactly 1week before my EDD and was already getting impatient when the second one was still chilling out in my womb a day before the EDD and I was all big and swollen. So when I woke up on the 12th dhul-hihhah of that year, with labour pains, I was really excited I was going to see the lil man in a few hours at last. This is because my first baby was born after about 8 hours of labour. So, with my previous experience, I knew it may take a few hours after the onset of labour before the baby would be born and did not want to be at the hospital for too long, I decided to spend some time cleaning my house and even took a walk before asking my Hb to take me to the hospital. We got there around noon and the pain was not yet bad at that time. I was checked by a doctor who said I should go back home because I was just 2 cm dilated and there was no point putting me on admission. I was reluctant to go back home because the hospital we chose was a 30 minute drive from where we lived then but I had to go. I spend the next few hours walking and taking a break when the contractions start, hoping this will help shorten he length of the labour. Around 10 in the evening, I felt the contractions were lasting longer and were fewer apart and I was getting weak because I could not make myself eat or drink anything, so I told The man to take mt back to the hospital. He did not think it was time yet and said we should wait a while longer because he did not want to have to take me back home a second time. Well, I insisted I had to go because I was really in pain and when he saw how serious I was, he picked up my 2 yr old and off we went to the hospital. By the time e got there, I could barely walk and I was so sure I would soon have my baby, but I was so wrong. I got checked again and was told I was still 2cm dilated and I have to go back home. I refused. I told the doctor I had a baby before and there has to be an explanation for this pain I was having and why would I not dilate more for many hours despite having close contraction that were painful. So, the doctor called on another doctor who is more experienced thnt her who examined me and found out there was a problem. I was quickly sent upstairs to the delivery room and it was on the way there that I heard a nurse telling another that I had abruptio placenta. They probably assumed I would not know what it meant. Thankfully, I am one who reads a lot and had read almost every book around about prregnancies and the complications that could occur before or during confinement that I was really scared when I heard that from the nurse. I started crying. The thought of losing my son after 9 months of difficulty; nausea, throwing up, heartburns to mention a few was just unbearable. I was making all the dua I know, beggeing Allah to save my baby. I was strapped to the fetal heart monitor and was given the oxygen mask and a nurse was left with me to monitor the baby and to call on the doctor in case she notice the baby was in distress so that I could be taken to the theatre for CS and all the while I was just weeping and praying and the fear of losing my baby masked all the pain such that I could not even remember labour pain any more. All I could think of was having a life, healthy baby. I was there for some hours and the labour did not progress until the doctor decided to break the water sac at around 3.00a.m. All that while, I could not even get in touch with my Hb who was sent home around midnight and was made to take my phone because I was not supposed to have any phone, money, jewelry or any other valuable with me... I eventually had the baby at 7.15 a.m, 26 hours after the onset of labour and I was so happy to hear his screams and found out he was perfectly ok, maa sha Allah tabaarakAllah and when I held him, I was filled with awe. The thought that just a small mistake could have made all the difference and the story would have had another end? Suppose I had agreed to return home when the young doctor checked me the second time, would I have had this cute 6 year old first grader today? I have a cold shiver just thinking of all the mums that have lost their babies because of a simple slip by the doctor, the nurse or even the mother herself. I really really thank my Lord for turning my tears into laughter and for blessing me with even more healthy loving kids after my dear sweet Ola was born six years ago. This is Ola's birth story. I would make out time to write the others' some day, as they all enjoy listening to their birth stories.

Divorce For No Reason?

2011-10-23T11:33:00.000-07:00

Marriage is sacred and its not something to play with. I know if any normal moderately reasonable person were asked if its okay to divorce a spouse without any reason at all, their first reaction would be of course not! But hey, I have been on a site before where a brother was trying to prove to everyone else that requiring a valid reason for a divorce applies only to women and that a man could divorce a good, pious, beautiful, obedient wife for no other reason than he just wants to do so, and there would be no sin on him, and his evidence was that a sahabah did the same. Well, I was somehow disturbed that a supposedly pious muslim brother could be peddling that view on a public forum and I tried to reason with him that even the prophet SAW did not divorce any of his wives and he told men in his farewell pilgrimage speech to fear Allah and be good to women etc, but he insisted that there is no evidence that a man needs a reason at all to divorce a wife no matter how good she is. I came across this fatwa from a reputable scholar and posted it on the site for him to see and more importantly so that other muslim men without knowledge would not be misled by his "view". I decided to share it here too because how much i hate divorce...

Divorce For No Reason?
Author: Al ‘Allaamah Shaikh Zayd ibn Muhammad al-Madkhalee (hafithahullah)

Translator: Abu Fouzaan Qaasim
❁❁❁
Q: Does the husband incur sin if he divorces his wife for no reason?
A: The reason behind him divorcing her must be looked into. If he has a valid
excuse for why he divorced her, then there is no problem (in him doing so).
However, if he mistreated her and divorced her for no reason whatsoever, she doesn't
have any (outstanding) flaws in her manners or physical makeup or any offense
transpired on her behalf, then there is no doubt that he sins. This is because he
treated her wrongly and perhaps she has no family hence becoming a victim of
poverty and destitution. So it is upon the men to fear Allaah.
The marital life of the believing men and women is connected (i.e. between them in
this worldly life and the next). The wife of a slave in this world will be his wife in
Paradise in the highest degree of beauty and perfection, superior to the hoorul- 'eeyn
due to her prayers, fasting and belief in Allaah.
So it is upon the Muslim to be very diligent (upon holding onto his wife) if Allaah
facilitates for him a woman from amongst the people of Tawheed, prayer and fasting.

__________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________2
And if certain things occur from her of crookedness or mistakes, then he corrects
them to the best of his ability. (And know!) that there isn't any person except that they
have faults and are prone to make mistakes. However sticking to and applying
patience is (from) the mannerisms of the Mu'mineen..... na'am.
Q: What about the statement of The Most High:

“But if you intend to replace a wife with another...” [4:20]?
A: Na'am, if he wants to, however, because of a reason. It isn't intended for the
man to change (i.e. divorce) his wife who he has taken care of and lived with for
sometime except because of a reason that forces him to divorce (her). (If this is the
case) then there is nothing wrong with letting her go.
❁❁

POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

2011-10-10T05:29:00.000-07:00

Personality:
1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

3. Don't over do; keep your limits

4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does

5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip

6. Dream more while you are awake

7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..

8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind (your partner) others of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present

11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you

12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.
Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like
algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

13. Smile and laugh more

14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:

15. Call your family often

16. Each day give something good to others

17. Forgive everyone for everything

18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6

19. Try to make at least three people smile each day

20. What other people think of you is none of your business

21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will Stay in touch.

Life:

*****As Muslims we say Allaah

22. Put (GOD) Allaah first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.

23. GOD heals everything

24. Do the right things

25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change

26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up

27. The best is yet to come

28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful

29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it

30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.

ENJOY LIFE WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE ........

**article written by an unknown author**

SECRET CODE; MY REASON

2011-10-03T10:12:00.000-07:00

I made a post about not expecting any good from a husband to avoid/minimize being hurt. I know that some men would read that statement and think its BS, and maybe some women who are blessed with good husbands would wonder why anyone would even say this, but here is what led to that line of thought...

Madam A was happily married for 40 years.

The marriage was blessed with 6 kids, all grown and married.

Madam A's husband decided to marry young girl, the age of his last child.

Madam A was not happy about it because she did not expect it to happen at that time since they were both in their sixties and did not have any problems, but she is a Muslim and she knows its his right so she accepted it and life went on.

Madam A's husband and the second wife were living in another town not very far from madam A, but she still gets to see her husband every now and then.

One day (after 5 years) Madam A's husband shows up at madam A's house with his little kids he had with the second wife and announced to madam A that he had divorced the second wife and that she (madam A) would have to help him raise the kids.

Again, madam A was not happy to raise another woman's kids especially at that stage of her life when she just wanted to relax and enjoy her retirement, visiting her kids and grand-kids when she wants, but she accepted nonetheless, not wanting to disobey her husband.

And, guess what? I mean guess what?! Few weeks later, she found out that her husband did not divorce his second wife and that they were still living together in the same house as husband and wife, only without their little kids who were brought for her to raise under the guise of their mum being divorced. Now isn't that just so convenient? gotta love these husbands...

Well, madam A and her kids had had enough! they figured out their dad did that because it was his house, so he felt he had a right to leave his kids there and he can have a peaceful life with his second wife without being disturbed by the lil ones. So one of madam A's sons moved his mum into his house to live with him, so that their good dad could have his dear little house all to himself and he can move whoever he wants into it...

Explanation of Imaam an-Nawawi’s Forty Hadeeth

2011-10-03T10:10:00.000-07:00

Explanation of Imaam an-Nawawi’s Forty Hadeeth

The secret code to a happy marriage

2011-09-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

I came up with a simple fix for marital problems after I heard what happened to a woman who is dear to me. The secret code is; DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING GOOD FROM YOUR HUSBAND. ok, I know this just sounds soo ridiculous but I remembered the words written in a birthday card someone gave my sister many years ago. It read;

blessed are those who do not expect a gift on their birthday,

for they will not be disappointed...

You are not my child

2011-09-06T14:47:00.000-07:00

Hello blog world. Someone left me a comment suggesting that I should advice my dad about being fair since some men are known to have a soft spot for their daughters.
Such a great advice, but it reminded me of an incident that happened in my life when I was I think close to 11. My dad left my mum and my siblings when I was 10 to go and live in our hometown when he got a better job. My dad's second wife at that time was already living alone with her children in the family house in our hometown. So what happened was he more or less left us to be with her. He did not divorce my mum or anything. He even suggested she (we all) move together but my mum declined. Reason was, my mum was working and she uses some of her money for household expenses and she thought leaving her job (which was not a high income job) to go live in the family house with her co-wife and be at the mercy of my dad, who is known to be very stingy with his money would be unbearable. So we started living alone with my mum, and dad visits us like once a month or 2 months. Whenever he comes, he gives mum some money for food and money to pay our school fees.

Within a few months, he started visiting less frequently and things were a little hard because my mum was a junior worker and it was difficult for her to do everything with her meagre salary. We then moved from our 3 bedroom flat to a one bedroom flat because my mum ould no longer afford to pay rent for the bigger house. We could barely feed in the house and my mum sometimes needs to borrow some money from her friends to buy groceries and she pays back at the end of the month. When it got to a stage whereby we were sent away from school beause we could not pay school fees and she could not afford it, she decided it was time to go to my hometown to vivsit my dad and get the monthly money he gives for feeding and that of our school fees. Just before she left the house, I gave her a letter to give my dad and she took it from me without bothering about what was written in it because as she said later, she just assumed its a short note to say salaams and tell him we miss him and other whatnot because my dad and I had a great relationship and they all call me daddy's girl.

She returned after 2 days and we were able to go back to school and life went on as usual. Shortly after that, maybe 2 weeks later or so, my dad came to visit and I noticed he was cold towards me but I did not make anything of if. One day, before he returned to his base, my mum was snooping around in his bag and there she saw a letter written by me in which I talked about the difficulty we were going through in the house, how we could not even eat easily and how we had to be sent away from school for not paying school fees. Then I ended it with "you should not have married another wife" or something worded along that line. Then she saw something that broke her heart; below my letter was my dad's reply to me and it read: definitely mena, you are not my child, You are a bastard. He wrote some other things that I can't remember now but the first sentence has been in my memory since then. I know what I wrote in my letter questioning why he married a second wife was harsh. But what does one expect from an eleven year old girl who is going through difficulties along with her mum and siblings and who is totally helpless as there is nothing she can do about it?

So my mum took out the letter and called me to her presence. She said she would not have delivered the letter to my dad if she knew that was what I wrote in there. She was so scared and disturbed and she scared me too. There I had just been disowned for daring to question my dad's reason for marrying a second wife and making all our lives difficult. My mum later calmed down and went to a friend of hers for advice and that friend told her to destroy the letter and never mention it. I think my dad planned to give me the letter but when it mysteriously disappeared from his briefcase, he did not bother to mention it again and he left after some days...

In polygyny, at least one person would be miserable

2011-08-31T12:28:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone calling my parents and siblings at home to wish them eid mubarak because I could not do it yesterday. So I called my mum first and she was very happy to hear from me and she told me she had a really nice and memorable eid, maa sha Allah. At home with her is my sister, her(my mum's) first child along with her husband and their children, They drove for 3 hours from their town to be able to visit her and celebrate eid with her. She also told me that my uncle and his new wife (he was divorced) was with her. Then she had my other neices and nephew who also went to celebrate with her on eid day and returned to their house in the evening since they live in the same town. So, maa sha Allah, she had so many loved ones around her and I did not ask about my dad, because I did not want to throw her in a bad mood because each eid day that I call and he was not there to celebrate with her, because he was with his other wife, she sounds so sad and depressed and complains (a little too much) about his absence. I just assumed she was okay this eid because she had so many loved ones around her that she did not miss her husband, my dad.

After her, I called my sisters, my brother and some friends, then I called my dad, a number of times. He did not pick his phone. I waited for some minutes and called again but he did not pick. I normally call him every eid day to say eid mubarak and have him make du'a for me and my kids. Since he did not pick my calls, I decided to call his wife with whom he lives in another town, to ask of him. After greeting her and asking about my step brothers and sisters, I told her I had been calling my Dad's phone for some time and he did not anwer, that can she please give him the phone? She was like no, he is not with her, he is with my mom, and he had been there since yesterday. So she had eid alone with her children. I said okay, I did not know, I thought he was with her because when I called my mum she did not tell me he was around. We had a brief talk about her children and their schooling and I hung up, feeling really sorry for her. I mean, on eid day every one wants to celebrate with their loved ones, and most women would want to be with their husband and they would want the kids, the dad everyone to eat together, as a family, but there she was, alone with her kids. Her husband was with his first wife, in another town.

So, basically, its either my dad spends eid with her, and my mom will be miserable and calling all her children to complain about it, (which I find annoying sometimes, because I think she needs to stop acting like they just got married when they have been married for 44 years.) or she goes down to celebrate with my mum and leave his second wife and her children to have eid by themselves. So whichever way, someone has got to be alone.

I know not all polygynous situations are like this as some men make their wives live together in the same house ( and I personally DO NOT like this) so that they don't have to go from one house to another, but it is not feasible in my parent's situation beause my dad was working in one town and my mum in another, and when they used to be together in the family house in my hometown for a few days for eid, they used to spend half the time quarreling about one thing or the other. So my dad had his second wife and their children living with him and goes to visit my mum every other week. Maybe if they were in the same town, it would be a little easier, then he can spend half the day in one house and the remaining half at the other. My dad is retired now, but it would still be very difficult to be equal in how he spends time with his wives, because of the distance, which is like an hour and my dad is getting close to seventy.

So I ended up feeling sorry for his second wife today and maybe the next eid, it would be my mom's turn to be alone.

And oh, I eventually got my dad on the phone, and I told him I had called his second wife when he did not pick his phone as I did not know he was with my mom when I called her earlier. He was quick to tell me that he was there with my mom, and I could tell that he was hoping I would be impressed by that...

Eid mubarak!

2011-08-31T05:56:00.000-07:00

Eid cake for my friends cute little girl, Zainab.
Zainab's cake in the cake holder.
I made this for my Egyptian neighbour
This was for my children

For maryam, My friend 8 year old baby who completed the fast without complaining, maa sha Allah.
All the cakes in one place before distibution.

and we all had a nice eid. Alhamdulillah!

...of wishes and horses and beggars...

2011-08-28T11:10:00.000-07:00

81 ways on how to treat your wife in Islam!

The wife’s rights (with regard to their husbands) are equal to the (husband’s) rights with regard to them, although men are a degree above them; and Allah is Almighty, Wise. [Quran 2:28]

“Consort with them graciously. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed much good. (4:20)“

In today’s life of hustle and bustle, the family unit is becoming fragile by the day. Divorces are on the rise, and Muslims can no longer claim, as justifiably as before, that divorce is rare among Muslims or even much less than incidents of divorce among non-Muslims.

Let’s take on the men, here’s how you can keep up your wife’s love:

1. Make her feel secure, don’t threaten her with divorce.
2. Give sincere Salaams.
3. Treat her gently, like a fragile vessel.
4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere.
5. Be generous with her.
6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart.
7. Avoid anger, be in Wudhu at all times.
8. Look good and smell great for your wife.
9. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken.
10. Be a good listener.
11. Yes for flattery. No for arguing.
12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, names she loves to hear.
13. A pleasant surprise.
14. Preserve and guard the tongue.
15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings.
16. Give sincere compliments.
17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family.
18. Speak of the topic of her interest.
19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is.
20. Give each other gifts.
21. Get rid of routine, surprise her.
22. Have a good opinion of each other.
23. Have good manners, overlook small things, don’t nitpick.
24. Add a drop of patience, increase during pregnancy, menses.
25. Expect and respect her jealously.
26. If you have more than one wife, be just and equal
27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers.
28. Help at home, with housework.
29. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her.
30. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you.
31. Remember your wife in Du’a.
32. Leave the past for Allah, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
33. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.
34. Take Shaitan as your enemy, not your wife.
35. Put food in your wife’s mouth.
36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect.
37. Show her your smile.
38. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they be come big.
39. Avoid being harsh-hearted.
40. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking.
41. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills.
42. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within Halaal boundaries.
43. Help her take care of the children.
44. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments.
45. Sit down and eat meals together.
46. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice.
47. Don’t leave home in anger.
48. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home.
49. Encourage each other in worship.
50. Respect and fulfill her rights upon you.
51. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times.
52. Kiss your wife, foreplay, don’t jump on her like a bull.
53. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside.
54. Show care for her health and well-being.
55. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself.
56. Share your happiness and sadness with her.
57. Have mercy for her weaknesses.
58. Be a firm support for her to lean on.
59. Accept her as is, she is a package deal.
60. Have a good intention for her.
61. Cook a dish for her.
62. Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the two of you to pray at night whenever you can.
63. Women love flowers. Make a trail of them on the floor leading to the gift you made for her.
64. Give her a nice massage when she least expects it.
65. Send your wife a text message out of the blue with a message of love.
66. Send your wife an email without a reason.
67. Go out on a date or a get-away for the weekend in a nice location, preferably without kids.
68. Do something for your wife’s family, whether it is a gift, or a chat with her teen brother who needs mentoring, or whatever. It will get you lots of brownie points.
69. Do not keep reminding and demanding your rights all the time.
70. Shop groceries for her and call her from the store and ask her what she needs for the home, for herself or for her to give to people as gifts.
71. Ask her if she would like to invite her female friends over for ladies only get together and arrange for the dinner.
72. Ask her to send gifts to her parents and siblings.
73. Help her parents pay off debt. Send her poor relatives some money.
74. Write love notes or poems and place them in the book she’s been reading.
75. If she tells you something she had just learned from the Qur’an or Hadith, do not dismiss her or ridicule her effort, instead listen to her and take her word.
76. Plant her a kitchen garden with all kind of herbs she needs for cooking.
78. Update her PC or laptop with a new one or get her a new mobile phone.
79. Learn to do a special massage technique and surprise her with your new expertise.
80. Teach your children to respect and honor their mother.
81. Be humorous with her when she makes a mistake in the kitchen (like when she put too much salt or burnt her baking).

"OH ALLAH , Make useful for me what You taught me and teach me knowledge that will be useful to me" amen

by Fawad J Kiyani

Ok, I saw this nice write up and it made me laugh because most muslim men would not even bother to do half of the things on this list. I wish I can say this is how most muslim men treat their wives, but then, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride...

After the Fast...

2011-08-18T11:11:00.000-07:00

I made it through the rest of the month without my mystery sickness and did worry so much about it anymore. I just decided it might be low blood sugar as a result of fasting and as long as eating eggs before commencing the fast fixed it, I thought I should just let it go, thinking it will be a thing of the past after the month.

I was wrong! Few weeks after the month of ramadaan, I notice that for some days, whenever I skip breakfast and even if I eat lunch as early as 12.p.m, I get tired like I used to in the month of ramadaan. I still thought it may be blood sugar problems as carbohydrate is always a major part in my meals. I went to the doctor and did all the blood sugar tests. I was so scared and worried for the 2 days I had to wait to get the result. It came out negative, alhamdulillah. The doctor said I did not have diabetes. I was relieved about that news, but was still worried about what ails me, that could not be diagnosed. I even convinced myself there must be a mistake somewhere; maybe they did not get the result right. I decided to start eating like someone who has diabetes, limited carbs, more protein, no more juice, etc as much as I could. I checked out a list of foods allowed for diabetics and shopped for the ones I know I will enjoy and started eating that, hoping for relief...

Well, I did not have any noticeable improvement. Some days, I was okay after eating and some days, I still get dog tired. I started getting depressed. I no longer look forward to mealtimes. And I used to be someone who loves food so much. I read on health forums and other random sites that the solution is to eat more!. To eat 5-7 small meals a day, to never be hungry. Who has time to prepare and eat 5-7 meals a day, especially as a mum of 4 young ones and the fact that I go to tahfeez school in the morning and homeschool my kids in the afternoon. It is easy to forget to eat except at meal times when everyone is eating. Anyways, I went back to my doctor and asked her to tell me what else could be making me tired after eating if I was not diabetic. I explained to her that I sometimes have the symptoms if I had not eaten for some hours too, even though when it stated, it was just after eating. That very day, I went in the morning right after leaving the tahfeez school. Just as the nurse called me in to the doctor's office, I started feeling tired again. So, the doctor asked the nurse to test my blood glucose again, the one they check by getting a drop of blood from the thumb after pricking it with a needle. The result was fine. so she said the nurse should check my BP, and there, I got the answer to what has been making my life uncomfortable for months. My Blood pressure was not normal, not high, but Low!. ya Rabb!. The tiredness was as a result of a sudden drop in blood pressure. I was scared, quickly asking the doctor so many questions about the seriousness of someone's blood pressure being low. She assured me that it is ok, she said it is not a disease, just a condition(yea right). It does not reqiure medication, just some lifestyle changes and healthy eating and living. She told me some things to do like eating salted crackers, salted peanuts, drinking salty water and generally adding more salt to whatever I eat. She also told me to lie down for a few seconds with some pillows under my feet so that more blood can flow to my head.

I was thankful to Allah for being able to find out what was wrong with me, and to know its not as bad as I had feared. I know that low BP could be dangerous too, especially if it falls too low, but the fact that I had feared the worse made the news more acceptable to me. Most of my friends have high BP and have to take meds daily. So being told I do not have dibetes or high BP or even some form of cancer but just low BP was a welcome relief to me. Sometimes, I still feel guilty that I must have brought it on myself by my yoyo dieting and most of the time, not eating well, because I was concerned about my weight. Another reason I suspect I got to have low blood pressure is because I was busy trying to be smart by half. I am very much into holistic medicine and being surrounded by loved ones who have high blood pressure including my mum, I felt the need to take measures to prevent myself from developing the disease. So I used to drink Apple cider vinegar which is known for its amazing ability to lower BP., even though it has a number of other health benefits. I did not stop there, I was adding less salt to my cooking and also stopped using food additives that has MSG, especially maggi cubes among other things. I was practically living like someone who has been diagnosed of high BP already. This is a big lesson to me and others. Even though prevention is said to be better than cure, one still needs to err on the side of caution so as not to invite one ailment while trying so hard to prevent another.

I have been mostly okay after I started following the doctor's instruction and I am indeed Thankful to Allah for everything and pray that I am not tested with that which I cannot bear.

What is in an egg?

2011-08-14T02:55:00.000-07:00

It started a year ago, last ramadaan, when I came up with this great (not) idea of going on a reduced calorie diet during the month of ramadaan to be able to lose some weight. So I thought, since it is not compulsory to eat the suhoor (the pre-dawn meal) before commencing the fast, I will just wake up, give my kids and their dad something to eat and have a drink of water for suhoor. I figured if I don't get any calories during suhoor and then I make sure that at iftar I don't eat much, there is no way I would not shed some pounds before the completion of the 1 month fasting period.

A few days into the fast, I noticed that even though I am ok during the day, not hungry or tired, as soon as a break my fast, I start feeling tired and cranky. Not just mildly tiredness but really really get somehow lightheaded and feeling nauseous and overall body weakness and a sudden and strong need to lie down and rest and fall asleep. This is the closest I can describe it but sometimes I can't even find the right words to describe how I feel. I did not understand why this could be happening but did not even think it had anything to do with not eating suhoor. I was scared that it could be diabetes or reactive hypoglycemia. I made several searches on the net and everything pointed to blood glucose problems. I started avoiding carbs and anything that has carbs in it. Sometimes I am okay after eating and other times not. I was confused; if it was blood glucose problems I was having, why was I still feeling this way.

It happened that one day, I think because I was busy, I did not eat well at the time of breaking the fast, so I thought its better to eat suhoor so that I would not be weak during the day. I ate bread and fried eggs with the others. When it was time to break the fast, I ate the same dinner with them and then waited for the inevitable cranky feeling.

Then,

Nothing.

I was wondering why my unexplained tiredness did not happen to me that evening, thought maybe it will come later, but was pleasanltly surprised that I felt fine and energetic all evening. I went through how I spent the day in my head, did I rest more?, did I spend more time standing or sitting?, I was looking into even the silliest of things to see what I did different on that day, but could not think of any. Then I remembered! I ate suhoor and I had not done that for many days, so that has to be it. That night, I decided to eat suhoor again, hoping to be fine like the previous day, so I ate a sandwich, I think just jelly sandwich. At sunset, I ate normally and started feeling tired again. At this point, I was confused. I was disappointed. I thought I had diagnosed my ailment but was proven wrong. I called up my friend F. and told her what happened, my hypothesis and how my result did not add up. She was the one who figured out what happened. She said it has to be the eggs. She recalled that she had a friend back in the States who was having difficulty fasting after becoming a muslim. She was advised by a nutritionist to include eggs in her suhoor and when she tried it, she noticed that she could make through the day while fasting without getting hungry or tired. So for the rest of the month I made sure I eat eggs whenever I eat suhoor and I was able to complete the month of ramadaaan without my ridiculous after iftar mystery sickness.

So much for losing weight in ramadaan.
*to be contd.

Learn almost everything for free

2011-08-08T13:54:00.000-07:00

I came across this awesome site where you can Learn almost anything for free. Science, maths, etc. Run by a guy named salman khan, who is passionate about passing knowledge across to others. I thought others might benefit as well. check it out;

www.khanacademy.org

The best month is here

2011-08-01T04:15:00.000-07:00

The blessed month of Ramadaan,

The best among all months

In which is the best night among all nights;

The night of Qadr

when Allah Ta'ala blessed us with the Best of books;

The Qur'an Kareem;

A guidance for mankind

And clear proofs for the guidance and the criterion

How Great and Merciful is our Lord

For prescribing the fast for us

So that we may become Al-muttaqoon

And the reward is in multiples

"Whoever draws near to Allaah during it (Ramadaan)

with a single characteristic from the characteristics of (voluntary) goodness,

he is like whoever performs an obligatory act in other times.

And whoever performs an obligatory act during it,

he is like whoever performed seventy obligatory acts in other times."

Allah has honored us in Ramadan

by chaining up the devils,

opening the gates of Paradise,

closing the gates of Hell,

and multiplying the reward.

Fasting will intercede for a person

and protect him from Hell,

and admit him to Paradise

through the gate of al-Rayyan.

Allahu Akbar!!!

When divorce becomes obligatory...

2011-07-28T01:11:00.000-07:00

My family went to visit a family friend of ours in another town 2 hours away few days ago. While there, the men had to drive to Jeddah, a 1 hr drive to get some things done and we were alone at home with the children. We cooked together and had a nice time. They returned after 3 hours and as soon as they got in the house, our host sent the maid to tell his wife that she needs to serve his food right away that he was very hungry. Wife said, "ok, just a minute", she just finished feeding her new baby and went to lay her on the bed, then as she was going to the kitchen, the maid came back and said he said if she did not bring the food quick enough, he would go and get a second wife to serve him, lol. Of course he was joking, but the sister did not find it funny. She sat down and told the maid to go tell him to go and get the second wife and after she (second wife) is done serving him, she should come and serve her too as she was also hungry. The maid, a 17 year old girl from same the same country as this amazing couple, went back to the man (from behind the closed door as the maid is always segregated from him or his male friends) and delivered the message. Then she came back to where we were sitting to tell her he said, "what? he would be getting a saudi as a second wife and saudis dont serve non-saudis." she said she does not care, if she is saudi or not and as the maid was going to tell him again, i stopped her and said enough of this back and forth joke. She said oh, its ok, she is used to him joking about it all the time, its just that she was not in a good mood on that day as she was exhausted (she has a 2 week old baby) otherwise she would just laugh it off and life goes on. she got up to serve them the food sayng if not for the fact that he has a guest, she would have left the food unserved for 1 hour to teach him a lesson. She does not mind the second wife jokes as long as it is not joked about when she is not in the mood for jokes. I was just sitting and laughing. I know many sisters would not even be able to accommodate the jokes at all. I mean why joke about something you are not ready for? The men had their dinner and we enjoyed the rest of the visit maa sha Allah.

Few days after we got back to our house, I told my hb that his wife's friend did not like the fact that he was joking about second wife when we were there, even though she said she usually doesn't care when he jokes about it at other times. I added it seems she just doesn't want him doing it around people. My hb said he agreed, that he also felt uncomfortable about the whole thing and he advised him against it as it was obvious the sister was upset looking at the way she was sending the maid back to give him a response. He said he he told the brother its not a good idea to tease women like that, even though she knows her hb may marry again one day, always joking about it, may provoke her to do some things she would regret later. my hb said the brother said he (my hb) was right. That there was a sad case of a young muslim couple, in our country who are known to be pious and happily married. One day, the brother joked about him marrying a second wife and the wife could not stomach it and she poisoned his food. This brother died over joking about something he does not even have any plan of doing? I was just speechless. A practicing muslim sister poisoned her husband for saying he wanted to remarry? What happened to asking for divorce? can't she just leave when she started having the evil thoughts of killing him? this was somebody's baby for crying out loud. How is she going to explain it to his parents? his friends, their kids if they have any? And finally how is she going to face Allah? she murdered an innocent man who she vowed to love and care for. I know she did it in a moment of rage and must be filled with regret and remorse after the act, but what will be the use after the poor brother is dead and buried? And to make the matter worse, he was just joking. The brothers who were close to him swore he was not planning anything of such. They were sure he was not planning to propose to anyone. Even though I believe its wrong for a man to torture his wife with jokes about him wanting to remarry for its better for them to go ahead and marry again than trying to make their wives jealous unnecessarily, but then, the sister took the matter waaaaaay too far. In my opinion, she should have just asked to be divorced if she knew she could not handle her husband marrying again. I believe in situations like this when a woman starts having whispers from the cursed shaytan about murder, she needs to ask for divorce as soon as possible. she should even tell her husband that this is why she needs the divorce, and if he knows what is good for him, he would not say no.
I pray Allah forgives the brother and give him jannah and may Allah forgive and guide the sister, aamin.

...if you ask about paradise

2011-07-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

Ibn al-Qayyim said, in regards to the description of the Paradise and
the delights that it contains:

"And if you ask about its ground and its soil, then it is of musk and saffron.

And if you ask about its roof, then it is the Throne of the Most Merciful.

And if you ask about its rocks, then they are pearls and jewels.

And if you ask about its buildings, then they are made of bricks of
gold and silver.

And if you ask about its trees, then it does not contain a single tree
except that its trunk is made of gold and silver.

And if you ask about its fruits, then they are softer than butter and
sweeter than honey.

And if you ask about its leaves, then they are softer than the softest cloth.

And if you ask about its rivers, then there are rivers of milk who's
taste does not change, and rivers of wine that is delicious to those
who drink it, and rivers of honey that is pure, and rivers of water
that is fresh.

And if you ask about their food, then it is fruits from whatever they
will choose, and the meat of whatever birds they desire.

And if you ask about their drink, then it is Tasneem, ginger, and Kaafoor.

And if you ask about their drinking cups, then they are crystal-clear
and made of gold and silver.

And if you ask about its shade, then a fast rider would ride in the
shade of one of its trees for a hundred years and not escape it.

And if you ask about its vastness, then the lowest of its people would
have within his kingdom and walls and palaces and gardens the distance
that would be travelled in a thousand years.

And if you ask about its tents and encampments, then one tent is like
a concealed pearl that is sixty miles long.

And if you ask about its towers, then they are rooms above rooms in
buildings that have rivers running underneath them.

And if you ask about how far it reaches into the sky, then look at the
shining star that is visible, as well as those that are far in the
heavens that the eyesight cannot possibly reach.

And if you ask about the clothing of its inhabitants, then they are of
silk and gold.

And if you ask about its beds, then its blankets are of the finest
silk laid out in the highest of its levels.

And if you ask about the faces of its inhabitants and their beauty,
then they are like the image of the Moon.

And if you ask about their age, then they are young ones of 33 years
in the image of Adam, the father of humanity.

And if you ask about what they will be hearing, then it is the singing
of their wives from among the Hoor al-'Ayn, and better than that are
the voices of the Angels and the Prophets, and better than that is the
Speech of the Lord of the Worlds.

And if you ask about their servants, then they are young boys of
everlasting youth who resemble scattered pearls.

subhana Allah. what are we doing or not doing to get there?!!!

Nine years!

2011-06-30T10:39:00.000-07:00

I am happy to note that I have been married for 9 good years today. Alhamdulilah.

So if I may make a list...

In nine years, I;

Got married

Moved to Saudi Arabia

Had 4 kids

Gained 20kg and 'helped' hb to gain 10

Made many new friends and parted with many

Became a homeschooling mum

Memorized 4 juz

Learnt to speak some Arabic

Performed hajj and umrah

Brought my dad and kid brother for umrah

Changed house 4 times

Bought a Singer sowing machine and started learning how to sow

So these are the things I can remember for now/ or thing I can mention. Some others I find inappropriate to mention.
Pls remember to say maa sha Allah.

yummy cookie recipe

2011-06-24T13:09:00.000-07:00

Ingredients;

1 1/2 cup butter

1 cup sugar powder

1 egg

2 TBS milk

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 tsp vanilla flavour

4 cups all purpose flour

Mix butter and sugar until it becomes smooth.

Add the egg and milk and vanila flavour and mix all well.

mix in the flour and baking powder until a smooth paste is formed.

Scoop some into the cookie cutter and press unto a lightly oiled baking tray.

Line with foil paper if tray is not 'non stick'.

bake in a preheated oven for 10 minutes

my yummy cakes!

2011-06-20T08:32:00.001-07:00

This cream and pink round shaped cake was made for my quran teacher as a gift for being the best teacher I've had in saudi. Her name is written on the cake, in arabic. She really loved it.
The heart shaped was made when my 4 year old insisted his teacher has to get a cake too...
My first basket-weave cake! made for my friend's neighbour who is a teacher in a girls school and she needed a cake to take for her aflah (party)
Eid cake (last year) for my darling kids, maa sha Allah
For my 5 year old's school party.

pictures of masjid haram

2011-02-15T12:10:00.000-08:00

Bitter sweet

2011-02-07T13:13:00.000-08:00

I wrote about my christian friend few days ago. I have some good news; she was blessed with a healthy baby boy. I am very happy for her, but at the same time, I couldn't help feeling deeply sorry about the whole situation. When she had her third baby 2 years ago, her hubby had to take a week off work so he could travel home to see her and welcome his new baby into the world. Now, she had another baby without him, in her mother's house. I know she is happy and relieved that she at least had a safe delivery, but every thing around her is sure to remind her about her husband. The fact that barely a month ago, he was still with her and now she is all by herself with 4 little kids is such a huge test that I pray she would be able to pass. I also pray Allah protects us from being tested with same.

Really, her situation is a reminder to me and the other sisters around here about the worthlessness of the life of this world. We sometimes sit and chat about polygyny and the possibilities of our husbands marrying other wives, and of course we all hope and pray it never happens to us. I mean in our very narrow minds, it was like the ultimate test of faith. Some of us are so scared of being in polygyny that the moment it is mentioned, our heart beat faster and we get all worked up. But when my friend's husband died when she least expected it, and it even happened right in her before, and her entire life, hopes and dreams were dashed within minutes, I started to have a rethink. Though she was not a muslim so she never factored the possibility of polygyny in her marriage, I believe if she could chose between being in polygyny and suddenly becoming a widow, she would prefer the latter situation.

I have never being in a poly marriage but have heard and read from sisters who have been, that it is indeed the most difficult thing to deal with. A close friend told me it was the worst type pf pain ever. I pray Allah does not test me with the loss of my husband because I'm sure as much as I don't wish to be in a poly marriage, I believe the pain and misery a first wife would experience when her husband remarries would be a peice of cake when compared to what my christian friend, Christiana has been through in the last 30 days.

I pray Allah comfort her and guide her to Islam.

christiana

2011-01-29T08:54:00.000-08:00

I live in saudi arabia, a muslim country, but there are some non muslims who come here from their countries to seek a livelihood. One of such is a christian family from my country that moved here from south Africa around 2 years ago. We were the only ones who speak the same language in the town, so naturally, we became friends and call each other regularly and visit sometimes. They are such a nice family with cute little kids who would not want to return to their house each time they come to mine for visit. The ages of the children was 5, 4 and 2. The husband being a very ambitious person decided to pursue higher studies and applied for a phd in the UK. The British consulate is in Jeddah, about 3 hours from where we live. He had to go there to get put in his papers and as they were expecting their 4th baby in a february, the wife decided to accompany him so that she could shop for baby stuff as it is easier and more economical to get it from Jeddah than in the small town we live.

They went and were done with the paperwork at the embassy and the shopping and were on their way back here when they had a tragic accident. For reasons not known to anyone, the car summersaulted and landed on its side. The man and women were thrown out through the window, the kids were locked in the car and could not get out. The cars coming behind stopped to help them and call the police and ambulance service. They got the kids out through the car windows and started giving first aid. This was when it was discovered that the husband was dead. The wife told me she sat next to him on the floor calling on him to get up, begging him not to leave her all alone with the kids, etc. But it was all to no avail. The men who came to rescue them took her away from his side and covered him with their head dresses. Then they were all taken to the nearest hospital in khlais. I have a friend who works in the hospital as a doctor and she was the one who called me after asking her if she knew me when she realized we live in the same town.

This happened exactly 3 weeks ago. It was such a sad and difficult time for the family and those of us that were close to them. The 5 year old had a fractured hand and the 2 year old a leg. They were both in p.o.p. Friends and neighbours were going to her house everyday to console and help out with taking care of the kids and housework because the woman was in pain and could barely walk. Somehow, she was able to get better physically and mentally day by day, She kept repeating to herself that she needs to be strong for the kids and she really was strong, crying only occasionally. The family left Saudi Arabia 5 days ago and the husband's body got home today. I just got off the phone talking to her and was told that the man has been buried according to christian rites. My prayer is that Allah comforts my friend, the kids and all the loved ones the man left behind. Verily, we come from Allah and unto Allah is our return.

Eating his cake and having her's? hmm...

2010-11-02T07:34:00.000-07:00

I want to share this article written by a brother. Enjoy!

Bismillaah Ar-Rahmanir-Raheem

My desire for polygyny, bi'idhnillaah.

I ask that Allaah azza wa jall allow my Sisters in this beautiful deen of Islam to read this with open minds and hearts, while seeking the pleasure of Him, subhannahu wa ta ilaah. Ameen.

Firstly, we all know that our guides, Al Quraan was-Sunnah have provided the Muslims with ample opportunities to show Allaah subhannahu wata ilallah devotion and obedience. For me, aside from many other virtuous acts of ibaadah, I have also chosen polygyny, which is beloved act mentioned by Allaah azza wa jall and practiced by our beloved Prophet sallallaahu alaihi wa sallam; the one whom we as Muslims try insha-Allaah so diligently to mold and shape our lives after. May Allaah azza wa jall have mercy on him, his family, and companions..Ameen! I don’t intent to badger or lecture anyone regarding polygyny, but insha-Allaah my intent to help Sisters to understand the reasons why GOOD Muslim men with GOOD intentions choose polygyny, Maasha-Allaah Tabarakallah. Of course you will always have knuckle-heads who abuse this right, but please understand that there are Muslim men out here, like me Maasha-Allaah, who only intends to utilize polygyny for reasons it was intended Insha-Allaah.

Firstly, as previously mentioned, if you study the tafsir of Quraan (via the true scholars of tafsir), one would understand that when Allaah azza wa jall says, “marry two, three, or four…” in Suratal Nisa, He, azza wa jall, is giving instruction to the Muslims, not a suggestion. Allaah azza wa jall says in the same surah, “IF you find you cannot be just,……” This word “IF” signifies exception. The scholars of tafsir, past and present, understand this issues; and it is the scholars whom we should understand and learn our religion. If we understand polygyny as being what is instructed or what’s highly preferred by Allaah azza wa jall, then why do we make efforts to not attach ourselves to it??? This is the first reason why I personally desire to polygyny..because this is the understanding of those who truly understand the Quraan and Sunnah…and Allaah knows best!!

Secondly, Islam emphasizes the importance of being of support to our Sisters during their times of struggle, hardship, lack of companionship, maintenance, or security. It also emphasizes taking care of fatherless children. Today, the increase in the number of sisters who are left to raise children is atrotious. Why and how, if I have the means and am willing to maintain, protect, support, love, and guide this sister and her children, be wrong?? I thought we, the Muslims, are a people of community and high spiritual standards?? Remember, our standards are not of those who associate partners with Allaah, but that our those who truly seek Allaah’s pleasure. This is my second reason..to be there when my Sisters in Islam need support, insha-Allaah.

Thirdly, my desire for polygyny is to increase the Muslim ummah as well as my lineage insha-Allaah. Due to health and other reasons, many sisters cannot have children., Allaah musta’aan! Typically, most married couples don’t discover the issue of not being able to have children until after they are married. Knowing this, how then will a man be able to have children of his own, to increase his lineage unless he is able to practice “lawful” polygyny.

Fourth, I know many may cringe when they read this, but polygyny for many Muslim men provide a halaal channel for increased sexual energy, which will keep them away from sin. Because some women are unable and even unwilling to "keep up" or maintain a mans "drives", some men become impatient, as Allaah azza wa jall mentions in Quraan, "men become impatitient when it comes to their sexual drives". Many women are faced with medical issues that prevent them from routinely satisfying that drive in their husbands. This issue of protection is just as important in many regards as the other reasons for marriage including comfort, security, solace and companionship. “I have not left behind me any fitnah (temptation) more harmful to men than women.” (Bukhaari, 5096; Muslim, 2740). Zinaa, as we all know, in Islam is considered a major sin. If our brothers mention polygyny as being a desire/need, we should understand that for him, he feels the need to remain obedient to his Lord and not fall into the haraam.The purpose of polygyny is not the satisfaction of the animal lusts or going from one woman to another, but it is a necessary solution to keep one safe from grave sin….Allaah musta’aan! Ameen!

There are many reasons why a person with good character chooses polygyny: extended family, increase in faith, companionship, security, pleasure, charity, increase in wisdom and self-worth, increase in quality of life when a wife cannot complete the needs of her husband. Whatever the personal reason,polygyny is about getting families together, enjoining what is good and permissible, and forbidding what is haraam. Most of the time, it is not an issue of over-loading and women serving men, but it is an issue of love and sharing; community. Whether each individual’s choice pleases Allaah or not in both cases (monogamy or polygamy), it is question of people’s true intentions and desire to make things work in total honesty and faith. Successful polygyny depends on the efforts, patience and degree of faith of each party involved. It is not in the etiquettes of a Muslim to criticize either a man who desires it or a woman who accepts it, for it is their choice, given by Allaah azza wa jall. Although, most sisters do not declare out loud that, "Polygyny is haraam", the actions and opinions of many support this statement. When my sisters in Islam demand that the marriage contract include an 'escape clause' if the man seeks polygyny, they are essentially stating that polygyny is haraam or even dirty in some sense.... or minimally that that person is unwilling to uphold that sunnah or to give her husband his rights granted by Allaah azza wa jall, which is still extremely undesireable. May Allaah azza wa jall protect us all. Ameen. The same can be said of many of our Sisters who make it impossible, through personal and financial demands, for a husband to marry another (a right Allaah gave all righteous believing men). Yes, these sisters are not prohibiting polygyny for all, just for their husbands. Instead of helping a sister in need, perhaps they are pushing the Sister or her husband to sin. In all cases of seeking to attach ourselves to the sunnah via halaal means, to prohibit that halaal action is a disgraceful in the sight of Allaah azza wa jall….and Allaah knows best.

Again, I hope this clarifies some issues regarding a man’s perspective….a good Muslim man with good intentions (Maasha-Allaah), insha-Allaah. Please keep in my Sisters…not all Muslim men mistreat their wives. Not all Muslim men are unjust to their mates. Not all Muslim men abandon their women or leave them penny-less. Not all men abuse or badger their wives. Not all Muslim women demand their rights OVER giving rights to their wives. Believe it or not, there are Muslim men who have good intentions, who love what Allaah loves and hate what Allaah hates, Maasha-Allaah. There are Muslim men out here who sincerely want to care for another sisters children..to give them love, support, comfort, discipline, and to be an example to them. There are Muslim men out here who identifies the needs of struggling sisters and sincerely wants to be there for them. There are some Muslim men who prefer to give all ofthemselves before they give to themselves. There are Muslim men out here who want to see our Sisters happy. There are Muslim men out here who wants to provide avenues for a Sister to learn and cultivate her deen. There are Muslim men out here who would never put his hands on his woman. There are Muslim men out here who desires to firmly attach themselves to the Sunnah…and want to support a sister in her efforts to do the same. There are Muslim men out here who want to provide a place of rest and solice for their wives, bi’idhnillaah. May Allaah have mercy on us all. Ameen!

Sisters…I ask you sincerely, bi’idhnillaah to not throw the towel in on our good Muslim brothers. I ask you to support them in their desire to stay away from the haraam. I humbly ask you to want for your sister what you desire and want for yourself, insha-Allaah. I ask you to imagine yourself in another womans shoes… a woman who not only desires to have a good Mulsim man by her side, but NEEDS the support of a good Muslim man. I ask you to sincerely, in the depths of your ability, to ask Allaah azza wa jall to guide you and to give you the patience needed to overcome your fear and your nafs regarding polygyny, insha-Allaah. Lastly, I ask you to make duah for all those who are challenged with polygyny or may be faced with the potential of polygyny…. and to be a sound ear and advisor to them, inshaAllaah. It could be your kind and supportive words and gestures that may help them to get over that hump, insha-Allaah. I ask Allaah to guide us all to the haqq, to make us stronger Muslims and sincere firm acceptors and followers of the Sunnah. Ameen!

Your Brother in islam!!

Its 3.00 a.m

2010-06-24T16:54:00.000-07:00

And I can't go to sleep. I have a very unusual phobia; I can't stand lizards or anything that looks like it. Around 10.00 p.m, my 4 yr old told me he saw a gecko on the staircase as he was coming upstairs to my bedroom. I quickly told him and his siblings to pass the message across to their dad who was on his PC in the study room downstairs. So they were there for some minutes screaming "Abi!!!!!!!!!!, there is a gecko on the staircase, but there was no response, even though we knew he could hear them very well. They could not go downstairs to tell him and ask why he is not responding because that would scare the gecko away and we would not know which part of the house it went. So after some minutes, they became tired and disappointed and came to tell me their dad has refused to come and kill the pest. I had to tell them to leave it there (if its still there) and go to bed. I for one do not have the courage to kill it, I don't even want to see it dead or alive. In fact, I can't get myself to pack it after its been killed so I have had to beg him to pack it himself whenever he kills one in the house. This is a problem I usually deal with during the summer, when the creepy creatures try to get into the house because of the excessive heat outside. I have sealed all the spaces under the doors that leads outside the house but they still find a way to get in, somehow. Anyways, as I was saying, the man of the house refused to do the job of an exterminator this evening, so I still have the thing wandering around my house and I don't know what to do.

Well, when he came to sleep a little after midnight, I was still up reading something on my laptop. I waited for some minutes to be calm before saying anything. Then I "cleared my throat" and said, dh, we need to talk. He told me to go ahead. I said "I was told by a neighbour that she has a man who comes to help clean her house every other day, so i was thinking of asking him if its okay for the man to come help me clean like once a week so that he can move all the furniture around and see if there is anything hiding under it to kill. The man takes 200 sr and I can just play with the children outside the house while he works" Of course, I was not expecting a yes, I have never had anyone coming to help me with housework since we got married and I had always said I could handle it myself. (I'd write a separate post about the experience some saudis have had with live-in maids). There was along silence that lasted long enough for me to ask if he heard what I said. Then he said yes, he heard and that he would think of something to do about it and that I should not ask my neighbour to tell the man I would need his services. and I asked, what are you going to do about it? His response was, "never mind, I would think of some other alternative since you said you cannot clean the house again". Where and when did I say that I cannot clean the house again??????????

Born muslims and revert muslims

2010-04-09T05:59:00.000-07:00

I have heard so many sad tales of how we treat reverts among the muslims. I remember reading a post made by "writeous sister" in her blog a few years back about the kind of attitude people in her community showed her when she just reverted and I just could not believe it. I wanted to leave a link to the said post but I just found out that the blog is protected and you need a password to read it. I have seen threads on "ummah forums" with titles like "would you marry a revert?" or " should reverts marry themselves?" and so on.

I made a post about female circumcision in Islam and some concerned reader(s) decided it is okay to be uncivil towards me just because I dared to say what the respected scholars of Islam said about the issue. The person(s) somehow concluded for reasons I don't even know that I must be a revert which means to her/them I am not in a position to know or say anything about fiqh. I actually laughed out loud when I read that I was a revert, even though I personally don't see muslim reverts being in any way less than born muslims. I have a number of revert friends and some of them are better than many of us born as muslims in their quest for knowledge and pleasing Allah.

Even if you do not agree with a person's POV about a particular issue, at least you can say it in a kind manner, because at the end of the day we are all muslims striving for the akhirah.

Why I would circumcise my daughters

2010-03-11T10:36:00.000-08:00

The topic of female circumcission is an issue that has generated a lot of controversy in almost all societies in this generation and is a hot topic among the feminists both men and women. Well, as a muslim, I know it is a procedure that is encouraged to be carried out on female children but there are prescribed ways and limits to what and how it should be done.

Before I had my first baby, I had it in mind to have it done on my baby if I was blessed with a girl, I knew it was not an obligation and that muslim parents can chose to do it or leave it if they don't want it for their daughters. I was careful not to mention it to any of my friends because I was certain they would try to discourage me based on the negative way it has been represented in the media about its dangers and other problems associated with it. I made a little research on my own and found out that the cases that were reported in which the procedure went wrong and led to all the various tragedies which ranged from infection, bleeding to death in the short run or even those that resulted in complications years later when the circumcised girl wants to have her own baby, was caused by the fact that the procedure carried out on them was not female circumcission but genital mutilation and it is totally different because the reason and method is completely different.

Female circumcission had been a practice in the arab world before the time of the prophet (peace be upon him) and when guidance of islam came unto the Arabs, they still continued with the practice. However, there is a report that the Prophet (peace be upon him) told a particular woman whose profession was to circumcise baby girls to make the cut as little as possible and not overdo it because that would put a light on her face and would be pleasing to her husband. Whereas the other procedure which is mutilation is the pharaonic circumcission in which a lot more of the female part is cut and then she is stitched up and just a small opening is left for the monthly period to pass through when the girl reaches puberty.

Eventually, I was blessed with a boy so the issue of finding a place to circumcise a baby girl did not arise as it is not openly done in the government hospitals in saudi Arabia. Well, when my son was exactly 2 weeks old, there was a not too nice occurrence that made me promise myself that I will never circumcise my baby girl if I ever have one...

*to be continued.

Seven years in saudi Arabia, still learning arabic!

2010-02-24T21:28:00.000-08:00

I moved to saudi Arabia with my hb in the month of february, 2003, exactly 7 years ago. I had such high hopes and aspirations about my life here, my religion, better living condition as I was coming from a third world country and most of all, how I would soon start to speak arabic and read books written in arabic that I had always wished to read.

Shortly after I got here, I started getting sick and was told by everyone including the doctor that it was just the flu due to a change of environment. I was given some medication and injection which did very little to make me get better and I had to go back to the clinic to see another doctor who is a gynea. I told her the symptoms I was having and she told me I was pregnant, before even having me take a pregnancy test. That was how I started my journey into motherhood with my beloved son who is now 6 years old, maasha Allah, and all praise belongs to Allah.

Well, from that period till now, I've been either pregnant or breastfeeding or combining both, alhamdulillah, and I now have 4 children, maa sha Allah, and may Allah protect them and all muslim children, aamin. In short, before I knew it, my plans and wishes to attend a school in which i can learn arabic language was put in the back burner for a long time. I started going for classes for the first time only 2 years ago, when my 3rd baby was around 6 months old, but i had to stop a year a later because i was almost due to have my 4th, maa sha Allah. The result of all these is that, after 7 years in saudi arabia, I still cannot hold a conversation in arabic, it is a sad realization for me that I'm still struggling with the language despite being surrounded by Arabs. I joined a tahfeez school for women and children 3 months ago, with the hope of learning arabic by listening in the tajweed classes and probably by interaction with other sisters as most people there could not speak english, so hopefully, I would be forced to speak after some time.
I also decided to be more serious about my self study sessions by reading books in print and online. Fortunately, there are a lot of sites in which one can learn arabic for free from the
comfort and privacy of the home, so all I need is a strong determination to be consistent and dedicated to achieving my goal, insha Allah. My new goal now is to be fluent in speaking arabic in a year from now, I don't want to look back then and ask myself why I still cant speak arabic after 8 years in saudi Arabia. I have decided to put links to the madina arabic books on this post and to update with any other links of good sites I discover, so as to motivate me and any other sister who has goals similar to mine, insha Allah. I pray Allah makes it easy and possible for me to see my dream come true and to be able to benefit others with it.

http://www.lqtoronto.com/audio.html

http://www.lqtoronto.com/madinasolutions.html

oh oh!

2010-01-23T08:54:00.000-08:00

Ok, I've been away from this blog for months. I guess I'm about the only blogger who reads other people's blog but does not even have time to write in hers. I've been a tad too busy with schooling and taking care of my family. A lot have happened since the last time I posted here.

The most touching of which is the sad news I heard about a friend who used to live in my old neighbourhood. She was a quiet, beautiful sister , a mum of 3 cute girls and a very good wife and mum, maa sha Allah. 2 years ago, she moved to another country with her family and we sort of lost contact. So recently, I heard she is sick and is now home in our country, without her kids. The nature of her sickness is very disturbing; a mental illness! Now why would a beautiful healthy woman suddenly develop such? Her hubby got another wife! yes, you read that right. As I heard, she started getting into a state of depression when she was informed about the incoming wife, I don't know what her reaction was when she heard it at first, but for whatever reason, her hubby stopped eating her food(and I know that this man is a good husband so its not like he just stopped eating what she cooked there must be a reason Allahu aalim), and naturally this added to her depression. So one day, she took her kids to the beach (ok so who allows a depressed woman to go to a beach alone with her kids ?) and tried to drown herself and the kids!. Laa hawla walaa kuwwata illa billah. Alhamdulillah there were people around who rushed to rescue them, so, she and her kids are still very much alive, but, this suicide/murder attempt was the reason her hubby sent her back home to her parents to go and take care of herself and come back when she is sane!. Ok, so I cried so much when I heard that the sister who told me wished she did not mention it to me at all. I wept even more when I got off the phone and the rest of my day was messed up. I remembered again when it was time to sleep and could not help crying myself to sleep.

I know that anyone who hears or reads this story would either blame the sister for being sooo weak in her eeman that she could not accept some halal act that her husband did, blah blah, OR, blame the husband for being so wicked and heartless as to hurt his wife, the mother of his kids so badly to the point of being demented, blah blah. So my reaction was sort of both. I was so sad and traumatized that I started to wonder about the meaning of the sentence "Allah does not test us with more than we can bear". I've heard people say if Allah is giving us a test, that means we can bear it, but how do we explain situations like this? how do we explain the very sad case of mira morton a practicing muslimah who killed her husband when he married a second wife. I mean how do we explain the situaion of sisters who stopped covering or those who even stopped praying when they were tested with polygyny in their marriage. Really, I'm confused. Is it that these sisters had the ability to be patient with what Allah gave them, but were just too weak in their eeman that they would not even try? I really don't know, but again I pray as I always do that Allah, the exalted Lord does not test me with that which I cannot bear, aamin.

My mum's phobia for polygyny

2009-09-23T22:32:00.000-07:00

I called my mum a call the day after eid because I was too busy to call her on eid day. After the usual exchange of pleasantries and asking about other members of the family and her telling me how the eid celebration went on their end, she told me there is a problem she needs to discuss with me urgently, because she is really disturbed. I was scared by this line of opening and braced myself up to receive the sad news. Well, she said its all about a brother he knows, who she heard had taken a second wife just few years after marrying the first. (edit; it so happened that my mum misinformed and the brother did not remarry! at least not yet.)

Apart from feeling sorry for the first wife, my dear mum had another thing to worry about; she said as the brother and my hb are very close friends, she is afraid he would take his lead and soon get interested in marrying another wife as well. Now if my mum is scared of anything happening to her daughters, it is the very thought of any of us being married upon by our husbands. I mean shes scared to death of this that at times I hope it does not ever happen to any of us when she is alive, just for her sake. My mum's paranoia is not just out of the sky, its because my Dad married another wife thirteen years after their own marriage to be able to get himself a son as my mum had six girls. But Allah, the gracious lord blessed her with a son two years after the second wife had a son, but then, it was too late and she became a permanent picture in her life and marriage and my parents relationship has been rocky since then, even though the second marriage has been on for almost thirty years. They never divorced, but they don't live together either and my dad lives with his second wife and their six children in another town, so that means my mum is pretty much alone even as I type this, because my father visits her like once or twice every month. My mum is in her early sixties, so its not so bad that she is all by herself in the house most of the time except when my sister and her family visits, or when my undergraduate kid brother is not in school. But I cringe when I think of when she gets older and needs someone to talk to, someone to share her thoughts and feelings with, or just someone to sit with and enjoy a nice meal...

Eid Mubarak

2009-09-21T08:32:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulillah, the blessed month of ramadhaan was completed and we had a most memorable eid yesterday. We planned to go to madina on the eve of eid, perform the eid prayer there and come back home to await our visitors from damaam. But we later changed the plan and stayed on here to be better prepared to receive them. The two families preferred to have their eid prayer in macca and come to our town to celebrate the eid day with us and our neighbour who is also like our family, maa sha Allah. That made four families and nine kids. Needless to say, we had a real nice time together for the rest of the day and later in the evening, we all went to the park to join another family with four kids, and we all got together to thank Allah for everything and of course enjoy a variety of delicious food and desserts while the kids ran around and played on the slides. May Allah benefit all of us with the blessings of the month of ramadhaan and the eid, forgive us and increase us in good in this world ad the next.

My boys love to listen to this beautiful recitation. Enjoy and reflect.

A mystery unraveled after 2 decades!

2009-07-30T02:53:00.000-07:00

Few days ago, I had very bad lower abdominal pain which would not go away. I tried lying down, drank water, drank vinegar juice, but it did not get better. I went online to search for the common causes of lower abdominal pain, but what I found made me even more scared than I already was. The two most common causes were said to be appendicitis and kidney problem. I closed the page on kidney problem immediately, because I didn't want to get paranoid.

I knew a little about appendicitis because I was diagnosed with it when I was 14, that was around 20 years ago and the pain was exactly the same. I remember being rushed to the ER, and my poor mum was told I had to be operated on. It was a difficult moment for her because we were on our own. My dad lived in our hometown which was a two hour drive away. I can still vividly remember her sitting by my bedside in the ER, fear and despair written all over her face as tests were being carried out before the scheduled time of the operation to take out my appendix. My dear mum lost my sister few years before that time when she was 8 years old, I was barely 5, a kid, but could still remember her loud wailing and the barrage of visitors in our house when it happened. She was said to have had typhoid fever but, Allah knows best the cause of her death. Back to me, the surgeon that was to take out my appendix was busy with other patients and I was given some analgesics to relieve the pain. When he came few hours later, he said he was tired and that we should leave the operation till the next day. Moreover, I was no longer in pain. The next day, Another doctor came to see me and said maybe I would not need the surgery again as I was completely symptom free and my mum and I were relieved, and all thanks and praise belongs to Allah. That was how I went home with my appendix still intact and nobody could say for sure if it was appendicitis I had or not.

Now, I had exactly the same type of pain which was as bad as I had it then. I used to feel the same pain every few months but not as intense as the one I had last week. It was so painful I could not walk straight, and it made me wonder if it was indeed appendicitis and that my appendix was probably about to burst. I told my hb and off we went to the nearby clinic. The doctor said the same thing I read online that I could have either appendicitis or a kidney problem. She examined my tummy and said my lower abdomen was not as tender as it would be if it were appendicitis, asked me to go for blood test and urine test and gave me an injection to relieve the pain. She however stressed that I should go to the ER in the main hospital if the pain does not subside. I went home and in like two hours, the pain was gone. My hb was however worried that she gave me the injection because he feared the absence of pain could mask the symptom and lead to the appendix to burst which would be a more serious problem. I told him its better we wait for the result of the test and pray for the best. The two tests came out negative and I had to ask the doctor what other ailment I could have had if appendicitis and kidney problem was ruled out. Another doctor was in the room with her when I got there and they both went through my file and the other one asked me about my menstrual cycle. Then she got a clue to what was the cause of my unexplained lower abdominal pain which started 20 years ago. The pain that made me almost part with my appendix, the pain that made my hb and I wonder if I had a bad kidney and we were already thinking of how to face the news that I would be needing a transplant, and I was wondering what would happen to my kids if I were to drop dead because of a failed kidney and inability to get a matching donor...

The pain was caused by ovulation! it was just normal ovulation pain that some 20% of women feel in the middle of their cycle. The pain could be mild or intense, and for twenty years, I have had this pain intermittently, and I did not even know it was ovulation pain?. Its also called mid cycle pain or Mittelschmerz. I had always thought its my appendix each time it came, and just forgot about it after its gone since it never lasted more than a few hours and was usually not unbearable. I am very happy about this discovery, because it meant I dont have to worry about a full appendix about to burst open anymore, then it will make it easier to understand my cycle better and know when it is possible for me to get pregnant or not. Pheeeww!, what a relief, Alhamdulillah.

The school predicament for expatriates living in saudi

2009-06-28T00:57:00.000-07:00

I want to write about an issue that affects most foreigners living in Saudi Arabia; The decision on which school to place their kids. The language of communication in Saudi Arabia like most countries in the middle east is arabic, so this is the medium of teaching in saudi schools up till high school level, and in some cases, even to university level. However, a high percentage of foreigners who are not from gulf countries speak english and would rather their kids learn in english. The international private schools teach in english but usually, either they charge exhorbitant fees or they are substandard, or worse, they are run based on the culture and ettiquettes of the country that establish the schools.

In my case, for instance, I want my kids to learn english and arabic and be fluent in both. If I place them in saudi school, then, I have to teach them english myself or find someone to pay to do the job. Otherwise, they would not be able to school in my country, should we decide to return home. On the other hand, if I place them in the international school, they would be lacking in arabic and worse is the fear they may imbibe the un islamic culture of the school, and I need to work very hard to raise them as pious muslim children, and would have to explain to them why they can't do certain things they would be made to do in the school for example, music.

This is a difficult position in which I think I can't win. No one seems to understand. Either someone is telling us to just send them to the saudi school and teach them english, which is easier said than done with 4 boys, or others telling us to send them to the international school and exert the extra effort to guide them to be upright with the help of Allah.

I really pray Allah makes out a way out of this predicament and guide us to what is best for them in this world and the next.

She'd be alright

2009-06-27T00:49:00.000-07:00

I am stressed right now about someone who is not only a sister to me but a close friend. She called me yesterday morning to inform me that she has been scheduled to have a ceaseran section at 4.oo p.m. She was 30 weeks gone. I have firm hope she would be alright by the rahmah of Allah. Her phone has been switched off since the last time she called. I expect her call any moment and am sooo nervous, but, I know she is going to be fine, and her baby would live, insha Allah. Ya Allah, let me hear good news from her very soon, let us be able to give thanks to you about her and her baby today. Aaaaaaamin.